Breaking Wave- photo by Andrew Schmidt

A little while ago I was feeling tired and spacey so I decided to take a break and go on the vibroacoustic table in my living room for a while. What a ride! I listened to the entire CD Winds of Devotion by Carlos Nakai and Nawang Khechog, a beautiful meditative blend of Native American and Tibetan flute music and chanting. There are some other great musicians on there too including David Darling, Peter Kater and the late Geoffrey Gordon.

I was in a pretty dreamy state- literally, experiencing snippets of dreams but not sleeping- for quite a while. Then I began feeling some low level anxiety, seemingly unconnected with any actual events or projections- just an awareness of the feeling. My heart rate picked up a bit and I hung out with it, still relaxing into the waves of musical vibration moving through my body, while being curious about what was happening.

Eventually a memory came forth of a frightening experience I had when I was very sick a few years ago. I had a terrible respiratory infection and woke up one night with a high fever and horrible coughing fit. I got up to use the bathroom and was hallucinating- I couldn't find the light and thought there was an animal in the bathtub. I began screaming for my boyfriend, Henry, who was sleeping on the other side of the house because I was so sick. I was in a state of terror, screaming, crying and coughing, unable to make sense of any of it.

The memory faded and my anxiety dissipated. I slipped back into the calm rhythmic entrainment of the music. When it was over I got up feeling clear, calm, balanced, energized and happy.

I don't know exactly what that was about- perhaps a thread of the trauma that was still in my body which the music released. I do know that the illness was very traumatic and I was the sickest I have ever been in my adult life. Ever since, whenever I thought about it or talked about it, I would get triggered emotionally- except that now I don't feel triggered by it at all. I feel a very calm detachment from it for perhaps the first time.

MUSIC

Music is silence,
music is mountain,
music is freedom,
music is universal,
music is heart,
music is bridge,
music is temple,
music is teacher,
music is path,
path to compassion, love, forgiveness, wisdom,
spirituality, freedom,
joy, happiness, divinity,
and inner-peace.

~Nawang Khechog~