It’s one of those days… a beautiful sunny Sunday, warm in my house, sun pouring through the window into my living room. It’s a day for lighting candles, smudging, burning incense, taking in the purifying scent of Agua de Florida and palo santo- a day for cleansing and purifying. I am feeling quiet and vulnerable- in a good way. I had a dream about my brother Tim last night, and two nights before that as well. Somewhat randomly yesterday I came across a series of emails that we had shared during the period of time when our mother passed almost ten years ago on various topics.
I am feeling him close by today, as well as the presence of other dear ones who also passed in recent years- my beloved Henry, my eldest sister Jenny who died just two days after him, dear friends Shin Ae and Amber who both were gone way too soon- two young, powerful, brave, extraordinary women- both of whom had a huge impact on my life. And of course my parents- my mother, and my father who passed 40 years ago this May.
I cam across this beautiful poem when I opened Facebook today- written by my friend Peter Blum in memory of some of his own tribe. It spoke to me through my tears- good tears, memories of sweetness and love- and I share it with you.
December Dream Around me the dead have risen Look! Their parachutes of hope open in just the right places Umbrellas, balloons, feathers, clouds multitudes of curious transport pull them through the night with just the right traces Resurrected memories of nameless timeless ancestral entities Chills of premonition. My heart beats faster I cannot quite make out the faces. -Peter Blum-
Henry’s warm smile…
At Mum’s 90th birthday with my two siblings, Jenny and Tim- November 2, 2011.
Yes, I know. I already wrote about Jeff Bridges' new album, The Sleeping Tapes, a few days ago but I am kind of obsessed with it, especially now that I listened to it while going to sleep last night. Of course I missed however much I missed because I was falling asleep, but it is very interesting. It's not just pretty music to go to sleep to, or ambient music with delta waves to entrain the brain for deep sleep- he is setting you up for your dreamtime. As he says, sleeping implies other things as well. It implies dreaming, and it implies waking up.
I don't have any trouble sleeping. I love sleeping and I love dreaming. I wish I had time to do a lot more of it! I never put on music when I am going to sleep. I used to, years ago, but these days I spend so much of my time immersed in sound that I really enjoy the spaces without sound and music. I wanted to hear this however, because I had listened to the first few tracks of it a couple of days ago and found it both funny and fascinating. I knew that there was talking through at least some of it and I wondered how that would play into the non-act of falling asleep. Would it enhance it or make it more difficult?
As I listened I was also observing, and to some extent analyzing, with one part of my mind what he was actually doing with his words. As I said, it is not just music- it is for the most part a monologue, an odd quiet narrative, inserting imagery to influence one's dreams, all the while reminding us that we are headed off to sleep. For example, there is a part where he starts creating an image sequence about walking up a hill with him and someone (I don't remember who because I was half asleep) starts pulling Spanish doubloons out of their pocket. And then he gently suggests forgetting about the Spanish doubloons because we're here to sleep, not to find doubloons. But there you are, with doubloons set into your subconscious as you are nodding off.
It is so interestingly random and a sort of stream of consciousness word flow, and the music behind the words is very effective for shutting down any internal chatter, allowing one to fall into a deep state of relaxation very quickly. It begins to affect the direction of thought and imagery before you actually start to fall asleep. I will say here that generally I remember at least a chunk of my dreams when I first wake up. This morning I was aware when I woke up that I had been dreaming and in my mind I had a sense of some of the imagery from the recording but I had no full recollection of my dreams- only the awareness that the album seemed to have influenced my dreams. I had a "sense of memory" if you will, that seemed directly tied in to the album but nothing conscious- and obviously I had also had a very deep sleep so i would say it was effective in it's purpose.
Aside from the Jeff Bridges factor, this is a very fascinating topic for me. Ever since I was a teenager I have loved working with my dreams. I have gone through long periods where I wrote down my dreams every morning and found that, over time, I was able to work through some very big issues. For example, many years ago I had a relationship with a man who was very abusive to me and my children. He kept us all in a state of fear. through threat of violence and intimidation. I was at a very low point at that time in my life- totally disempowered and full of self-loathing. After I had finally had enough and was able to end the relationship I started doing a lot of work on myself. Some months after ending the relationship, I had a series of dreams. In the dreams he would show up at my house, at my door- maybe I'd come downstairs and he'd be in the kitchen and I would tell him he had to leave; that he was not welcome and could not treat my children and me in this way. I was totally unafraid of him. Sometimes I would tell him that I would call the police if he didn't leave.
One day about a year after we split up, the phone rang. I picked it up and it was him. My body registered- fear. My heart started pounding and I felt heat on the back of my neck. He wanted to "make amends"- to absolve himself. In spite of the cellular response in my body, my mind was totally calm and I told him very clearly and unequivocally that I no longer had people like him in my life. I even told him how my body was reacting in the moment because it had its own memory but that I was no longer afraid of him. I told him how he had damaged my children and never to call me again. I didn't get angry. I didn't get upset. I simply said everything I needed to say and then said, "And now I am going to get off the phone and I don't ever want to talk to you again." It was unbelievable, even to me!
I believe that through my dreams I had been able to "practice"- that they actually prepared me for when I would have to face him and stand up for myself. Not only was I able to do that when called upon, it also gave me an opportunity to see my own growth and self-empowerment. They could have just been really cool dreams in which I felt empowered but in fact the change had actually taken place on an internal, and very real, level.
Artwork by Jorge Ramirez- distributed by Henry J. Steffes, Jr
Okay, so apparently if you watched the Superbowl you would have seen this- but I am not a sports fan (nor am I politically correct) so I didn't see it until last night. I happen to enjoy food much more than sports so I was watching "Chopped" last night when, during a commercial break, Jeff Bridges comes across the screen playing a Himalayan singing bowl and "Omming" some very lucky couple to sleep! And the words came across the screen www.dreamingwithjeff.com. What??? I RUN to my computer and jump on the website!
Seriously... Jeff Bridges has made a pretty amazing album called "The Sleeping Tapes"- just what they are. This is my huge excitement right now. A mainstream superhip DUDE lulling people to sleep with his bowl and his deep OMMM.... Go Jeff! If I had watched the Superbowl I guarantee you that seeing that commercial would have been the most exciting 51 seconds of the whole thing! (In my world Himalayan singing bowls are the Superbowls!)
Here is a video of him talking about making the album and the very cool web building site Squarespace. (I've used it before- it's great.) It is a seriously cool video- you should definitely take the two minutes to watch it.
I downloaded the album last night and didn't hear the whole thing. You know what that means!
I love Jeff Bridges, I love sound healing, I love sounds, and I really love sleeping and dreaming- it's probably my most favorite thing of all! In fact I just signed up for a workshop on sound and dreaming with John Beaulieu and Silvia Nakkach, so this could not have been more synchronistic in my book.
What I am super excited about though is that this little 51 second video reached millions of people! Sound is so powerful and important and non-invasive and can be such an enjoyable healing modality. Right now I reach about 80 people a day on my blog. I'm thinking that's a lot! This year 114.4 million people watched the Superbowl. Jeff Bridges, you are definitely The Dude!
Oh by the way- all sales of the album go to No Kid Hungry. Here's to The Dude!
Last week I had a most amazing dream. I was at a hot springs- there were actually two springs side by side that each had man-made rectangular entrances that made them look like small pools- about 3' by 8'. But in fact, when you went into the water it opened up underneath into larger underwater pools, big enough that you couldn't see how far they extended. The water was very clear and light blue and ten to twelve feet deep. I was in the water briefly- underwater, looking around- but then realized there were some sea creatures in there that made me nervous so I decided to get out. There were squid, small, about a foot long but they would try to attach themselves to people or suck on them and even though they were actually friendly it creeped me out. Also the people I was with were a little too "new agey" for me so I was being pretty introverted and keeping to myself.
Each "pool" had a cover that could be pulled over the entrance when everyone left for the day and it was getting close to that time. I was sitting on steps going into the pool to the left and I began toning. It was almost like an entrance into an underground chamber only it went into the spring and I was curious how the tones and overtones would resonate into the entrance and in the water. They were getting ready to cover the entrances and in fact they did. I expressed my disappointment and someone remarked "Oh now that we're getting ready to go you're suddenly interested." I said yes, that I was curious how the overtones would sound in the chamber so they opened it back up and let me tone into it. I wondered what it would be like toning into the water and how the resonance in the entrance chamber would affect the surroundings and the sea creatures.
I begin toning again. To the left of me on the bank it is fairly muddy. I am toning and creating strong overtones and as I look around me I see that there is movement in the mud bank that is clearly caused by the overtones. As I continue toning and watching this area a small girl's face begins to emerge from the mud. I go over to her, continuing to tone. She is dead. She looks like she is about 4 years old, a very beautiful face, still covered with mud but her features are visible and her body emerges from the mud revealing the rest of her as I tone. She hasn't been dead for very long. Her body has not begun to decompose. I take her in my arms and as I continue toning I see two men in suits standing a ways off to the right, 12-15 feet away. Clearly they are "bad guys", the men who have killed her, and they move closer, smirking, as the girl begins to come back to life with the sound. They are silently telling me that I cannot beat them at their game. They are each holding an oblong object in one hand- a frequency generator. Nothing but a dark oval shaped object with one red button that fits comfortably in one hand.
I am not afraid of them. I am holding her in my arms and they are now standing over us, still smirking. They each push a button on their frequency generator and it emits a single frequency which I know is intended to kill the little girl once again. She is so beautiful. I am bent over her, holding her close to me, trying to protect her with my body as well as my voice from their sound, overtoning loudly, modulating the pitch trying to find the exact tone that will negate the frequency they are generating. But it doesn't work. She is dead, again, but this time with a beautiful broad smile on her face, a look of total happiness and peace. And I know that they did not win.
