A Groovy Sunday Groove

Morning has flowed into the afternoon as I have been immersed in Sunday morning music. Started off with Traffic “Low Spark of High heeled Boys” and I was actually able to play a little of the main piano groove along with it- which was very exciting!

That led me to a bunch of Traffic, Blind Faith and Steve Winwood classics- including these…

Somehow that all led into Van Morrison’s song “Into the Mystic” from his beautiful Astral Weeks album…

and finally, that led me to one of my favorite of all-time Van Morrison albums- Poetic Champions Compose- which I have been dancing, singing and playing the flute with for the past hour. I love Sunday mornings! Enjoy the music, and tell me “Did ye get healed?”

A New Dawn

2021. Happy New Year! I feel good. I feel hopeful.

2+0+2+1= 5. In numerology 5 is about change and transformation and after 2020 (4, think “square”, grounded, solid, not particularly creative or forward thinking) I think we are all looking forward to some major changes. That’s all I’m going to say about that!

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day… and it’s a new year! I went to sleep a little after midnight and woke up at 4 a.m. thinking about things I want to get done and one of the first things that came to mind was to start blogging again. Along with it came this song.

Circles, Cycles and Sound in the Time of Covid

For the past 3 days I have been immersed in the Sound Healing Global Summit online. Two days left. I had an idea that I couldn’t stand online workshops but in the time of Covid I am finding myself incredibly grateful for them. I dipped my toe in when I was in the Philippines- initially to attend a Weight Watchers meeting that I used to go to every Saturday morning when I was at home in Rhode Island. It was so wonderful to see familiar faces and feel the connection from 12000 miles away! After that I started joining in on Jai Uttal’s Friday evening kirtans and Gina Sala’s Monday Mantra class, which for me, being 15 hours ahead, were a perfect way for me to start my Saturday and Tuesday mornings- with joyful sound and meditation- and to dive into practices that otherwise were completely inaccessible to me where I was, especially once we were in lockdown.

So back to the Sound Healing Summit…

FAST FORWARD!!! I started writing this on August 5. It is now October 17. My life has made such a wide and clear circle in a year. One year ago today I was getting ready to drive to North Carolina to help my dear friend and former partner Henry navigate his way through a health procedure. Sadly he died on October 18 while I was still on the road. Two days later my sister Jenny died. Henry’s death hit me like a sledgehammer and I spent a year moving through layers of grief around that. Now, a full year later, I find myself in North Carolina living in the house where he spent the last year of his life which he had helped one of our very close friends to build.

Last week, on October 11, we had a Celebration of Life on Zoom for my sister Jenny, and I found myself processing a lot of untapped grief around that. It was a beautiful event and I am so grateful that it was a full year later so that I could be fully present for it and not held captive by the feelings I had been dealing with around Henry’s death.

So… transition, changes, travel, lockdown, Philippines, music, sound and healing…

The Sound Healing Summit was an inspiration. At some point well into my stay in the Philippines, after being on what turned out to be a major sabbatical that went on much longer than I anticipated, I realized I could not make a plan as to what would be next. And I knew that I would know what the next step was to be quite simply whenever it came to me. Clarity came within the first hour of my tuning into the Sound Summit. I have a lot to process and won’t get into much detail here but it centers around creating a Wholistic Sound Certification Program. Nothing will begin to happen until at least the spring. I am spending the winter here in North Carolina brainstorming, formulating a plan, and writing.

When I went to the Philippines I brought one small (but mighty!) Himalayan singing bowl with me. I had an idea about doing short meditations and making some videos. Unfortunately there was never a strong enough signal to post them so now I am posting one short video I made one beautiful morning on Camiguin. The sound is not great as there was a ton of background noise- the people of the little fishing village mending their nets right behind me- and I was really just experimenting. Unfortunately since it turned out to be impossible to upload anything I never refined the process!

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A Cool Cafe Called Kurma (A Little Lesson in Alliteration)

Well, here I sit at a very cool cafe called Kurma on Camiguin Island in the Philippines. I’m having frustrating financial fuck-ups and am on hold with one of my esteemed financial institutions. By the grace of god Google Voice will not drop my call yet another time while I willingly wait on hold.

Okay, that may be it for the alliteration part- it just kind of happened.

So, I am realizing as I sit that my battery on my computer will wear down and I can’t stay here- need to put computer on sleep so I have the info I need when they finally answer.

The End.

Except for a picture of me taken weeks after I wrote this, sitting outside at Kurma.

Note: This was actually written on February 24, 2020…

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Where Everything Is Music

So much time has gone by so quickly and so full of deep emotion that it has all been a blur. The recent losses have hit me hard- Henry, my sister Jenny and most recently a dear and beautiful friend in Sedona who had brain cancer. Losses punctuated with feelings of deep love and gratitude. I feel that a major chapter of my life has closed and I am standing on a threshold. I know I will be making some big changes soon- I do hope that they will lead me ultimately to the creation of another sound healing center but right now I am just taking a big breath.

A friend sent me this beautiful poem this morning and it was so perfect that it inspired me to finally post on my blog again!

Where Everything is Music

We have fallen into the place
where everything is music.

The strumming and the flute notes
rise into the atmosphere,
and if the whole world's harp
should burn up,
there will still be hidden instruments
playing, playing

This singing art
is sea foam.
The graceful movements
come from a pearl
somewhere
on the ocean floor.

Poems reach up like spindrift
and the edge of driftwood
along the beach
wanting, wanting

They derive from a slow
and powerful root
that we cannot see.

Stop the words now.
Open the window
in the center of your chest,
and let the spirits fly
in and out!

-Rumi

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Music, Tears and Gratitude

Mostly I am “okay”. Home and putting things away that Henry had saved for me. A three-week road trip which in many ways felt like an inner pilgrimage. Even though I was on the road I couldn’t really just leave everything indefinitely so instead I just tried to hold an open space for myself on the inside.

And like I said, mostly I am “okay.” And then there are those moments, which come further and further apart but still arrive… when I hear a piece of music like this and I am hit with a tidal wave of sadness and gut-wrenching tears. I am grateful that I can allow myself to feel and cry when I need to.

Grateful for the power music has to pick us up, carry us on a river of emotions and drop us on the other shore!

Heartsease

I have spent the morning going through old photos and long threads of texts with both Henry and my sister Jenny who passed on October 18 and October 20 respectively. Somehow as I was uploading pictures onto my computer I was reminded of a beautiful chant I learned at kirtan camp several years ago. I decided to see if I could find a version of it on YouTube. It took a bit of searching but eventually I found it. It’s so beautiful. It seems like one of those chants that could easily make you weep- maybe I’ve just wept enough tears in the last two weeks to last me for a while. Anyway, all I felt when I began listening to it was the sweetest softening of the heart and so much peace.

After my mother died I rented an apartment in a beautiful old Victorian house in Newport called “Heartsease”. The name was so perfect and appropriate for the time. That is what I feel when I hear this chant.

Expanding the Boundaries of the Heart

Jenny and Henry, Ipswich 2011

Jenny and Henry, Ipswich 2011

On October 18 my former live-in partner and still beloved Henry Steffes passed away. The day after he passed I was on the phone with my sister Jenny who was undergoing treatment for ovarian cancer. The chemo was rough but she never complained. On that day, Saturday, October 19 I was on my way to North Carolina, driving. I thought I would be helping Henry get back on his feet but that was not to be. He had already passed by the time I hit the halfway mark on the road. Jenny and i had a long conversation full of laughter. She loved Henry, as all who knew him did, and he made her laugh. She apologized saying, ”I’m sorry- I can’t help it. he was so funny. Whenever I think of him I start laughing.” Periodically I would apologize to her. I knew she had had a chemo treatment only two days earlier and must have been feeling awful but each time I would try to get off the phone she’d say “Oh don’t worry about me” and would continue the conversation. She passed the following night.

In 2011 Henry and I went up to Massachusetts to converge with Jenny at my mother’s house. One bright fall day we had a long lovely walk in Ipswich near Crane Beach. It was a memorable day full of beauty, laughter and a sense of camaraderie.

My head has been filled with snippets of various songs since they passed. “Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind…” (Beatles)
“Death is unreal, that’s the way I feel.
There’s more to be revealed.
Lovers and friends meet again and again on the dear old battlefield…” (Incredible String Band)

Words I have heard over and over in the past week to describe Henry- kind, gentle, caring…. Jenny- wise, witty, warm… Two beauties… I feel the boundaries of my heart being pushed wider and wider- at first I thought the aching might hurt too much but it only lets in more love and gratitude.

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Sound Effects

This is going to be very short. The video says all. Beyond the video, which specifically addresses the fullness of the frequencies of gongs and their effect on live blood cells, I am interested in doing research with other instruments and frequencies as well as vibroacoustic therapy. Not sure what the details of this project are going to look like yet but I have met a scientist from Brown University who I hope to be collaborating with in the very near future.

Meanwhile… this is very cool and exciting.

Vocal Revelations

Yes, me too… even though in my classes I encourage students to let go of their own self-judgment when it comes to their voice, to let go of the belief that they “can’t sing”, “can’t hold a tune”, and all of the terrible things they might have been told about their voice from childhood (which is mostly where all this negative self-talk and self-limiting beliefs come from)- when I hear my speaking voice recorded… yes, I cringe. And I love this article which explains so clearly and obviously the primary reason for that- which is that a recording does not pick up the rich low overtones which we hear internally through bone conduction when we speak. That is why we often don’t sound like “ourselves”- or the way we think we sound- upon listening to a recording of our voice.

Here is the link to the article The Real Reason the Sound of Your Voice Makes You Cringe

I also found this fascinating TedTalk which addresses the same topic.

TB Cello

If you know me and have seen some of my past entries then you may be aware that I totally love Mike Oldfield and think he is one of the most brilliant composers on the planet today. Not sure that I need to say anything about this. Mike Oldfield’s “Tubular Bells” played on cello… it’s freaking brilliant. The only bummer is that you don’t actually get to hear the tubular bells at the end- but I was actually smiling listening to this as much as I do when I hear the original. Also I think as much as it is an extraordinary musical composition, a large part of the impact in this case is actually the visual aspect- watching him play and doing the looping. It is very cool… and a really interesting backdrop as well.

Gradient Expansion

Last week I received a shipment of 200 CD’s- mine! My son, graphic designer Joshua Hardisty of The Midwest Visual Agency suggested a collaboration after hearing some sound journeys I had recently recorded in a couple of different studios. We both carry a procrastinator gene but somehow working together worked well for both of us. We were excited and inspired and, once we decided which tracks to use, we pulled it all together in a matter of 2-3 weeks. I did the music. He did the cover design.

It’s on this website if you go to “Shop” and soon there will be more in there! Like the really cool tote bags that Joshua also designed (the purple ones were my idea) which right now you can see on his webpage. He wrote a really great article about the design process HERE. I love that I got to collaborate with my son! In fact that may have been more exciting than creating the CD in the end.

But this is not the end- there is definitely more to come!

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Running- and DBs!!!

Yowzer!!! Busy days… the usual challenge, wanting to write, thinking about what is most interesting and exciting to share in my life and world which is always filled with sound and music. Of course if I wrote every day- or even once a week- I wouldn’t feel like I have to cram everything into one post!

Two great musical events in the last two weeks, one as I was making way to Tallahassee. I called my best friend from boarding school who I’ve seen just a handful of times in the past few years, having been reunited thanks to classmates.com about 15 years ago and told her I wanted to visit her in Baltimore as I was driving through. She was excited and the next time we talked she said she had gotten some tickets for a great concert. Well, we’ve all changed in the past 45 years, right? So I was not sure what kind of concert it might be… I said, Cool! Who is it? The Doobie Brothers! She said she thought we should revisit our high school concert going days… Well, I was all over that! They were so great and we had the best time.

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If you look closely you may notice the tears in my eyes in this picture. I had literally just seen a video and photo from a surprise engagement party my son was throwing that evening for his fiancee in Minneapolis! Unfortunately I was en route to FL…

If you look closely you may notice the tears in my eyes in this picture. I had literally just seen a video and photo from a surprise engagement party my son was throwing that evening for his fiancee in Minneapolis! Unfortunately I was en route to FL and could not delay getting down there so I had to miss the party. (We’re having another one for them in July though with his RI family and friends!)

And here is the aforementioned- and in my opinion what should be award-winning photo taken by my daughter-in-law Kimberlee Whaley!From there I headed to Tallahassee with a brief stop in North Carolina. The night after I arrived in Tallahassee i went…

And here is the aforementioned- and in my opinion what should be award-winning photo taken by my daughter-in-law Kimberlee Whaley!

From there I headed to Tallahassee with a brief stop in North Carolina. The night after I arrived in Tallahassee i went with a group of friends to see the most amazing band. It was without question one of the best, most exciting and dynamic musical experiences I have ever had. DakhaBrakha. Another DB band comprised of a group of 4 extraordinary Ukrainian musicians, one man and three woman. Their music is eclectic, their excellence as musicians is awe-inspiring, their joy is infectious.

And now I’m sitting here at the kitchen table in my friends’ house in Tallahassee with Sound Journeys and workshops already behind me and more ahead of over the next five weeks, here and in St. Pete. Life is very busy, very full, very exciting and I am running to keep up with it all! I am making it my intention to get back to this page sooner so that I can share more of the exciting stuff that is going on.

In and Out of the Depths

Well, I’ve been sitting at my computer for three days working on my website, setting up events for my annual road trip to FL, learning about inserting PayPal buttons and all kinds of groovy stuff so I thought I should take the time to write a little something here. Basically starting with a blank mind. I guess that’s not such a bad thing. Leaves room for endless possibilities.

I have been thinking today about the richness of life, something I think about a lot with gratitude, since I am one of those people who has been blessed with the ability to feel deeply. First thing this morning a video came my way by Nic Askew, a short film in his series of “Soul Biographies”- well worth visiting his website and getting on his email list (click on his name above). The film was an excerpt from a longer film that he is in the process of making called The Soul of Stress. The man speaking is an ex-Navy Seal, Christopher Maher, whose entire life for many years was essentially dedicated to being able to manage stress. The man is clear and soft-spoken and so calm that you think “Yes, this is the person I would want around when the shit hits the fan.” He talks about why he “resonated” with the career choice he made, realizing he started on that path- learning to handle stress- at two days old. He talks about what happened to him then “when the nervous system is as fragile as a butterfly’s wing”. It is a powerful and poignant story.

So I woke up feeling grateful. Later I learned of the death of a dear friend of a very dear friend of mine who passed away almost two years ago. Avedis loved my friend Shin Ae deeply and I know he is so happy to be dancing with her- and we who knew them were all blessed by their presence on earth. I didn’t know Avedis well at all but I know that he was Shin Ae’s rock solid support when she was undergoing cancer treatment and his heart hurt watching her go through her trials.

Tomorrow I am going into a sound studio, Celebration Sound, to record some sound journeys- the first stage of a CD project my son Namdev and i are working on together. You can find him at The Midwest Visual Agency (and he’s all over the internet besides that- Joshua Namdev Hardisty).

I have strayed a bit from my point- it’s a bit of random access tonight- but back to the point is the line that runs through my mind so often from Jai uttal and Ben Leinbach’s beautiful piece “Radiance- Prayer to the Goddess Sarasvati”… “Peace to that huge ocean of emotions and feelings”… Please listen…

And then there’s this, another piece of music I find breathtakingly beautiful… De Profundis- Out of the Depths by flute master Terry Oldfield, with the song of the whales and a most beautiful prayer running through it.

Fortitude, Equanimity and Amazing Grace

Fortitude and equanimity… these are the words that have been echoing in my mind for over a week.

That’s how long it’s been since my son Ben was admitted to the University Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah. He has a rare bone disease, fibrous dysplasia and has had a series of health issues over the last two years which have kept him wheelchair bound. Last Friday he was on his way to work, which conveniently is at the same hospital, anxious to get to Starbuck’s before catching the train up to the University, when his wheelchair skidded on the ice. He flew out of the wheelchair onto the railroad tracks and broke his tibia. There were some people there waiting for the train who lifted him onto the platform- one man put his briefcase under Ben’s leg to support it and someone else got his wheelchair off the tracks just minutes before the train came. Angels all around, so it would seem.

He was taken to the hospital by ambulance and called me shortly after he got there, told me quite calmly “My tibia is toast. I’m waiting for the doctor and for them to bring me some morphine.” The doctor came, the meds came, and that evening he was taken down for surgery. The plan was to put a rod in his tibia to stabilize it. I talked to the doctor before the surgery and he seemed quite confident that it would be simple enough- basically a routine surgery for the orthopedic department. They had already done five of the same that week. Except those patients most likely didn’t have fibrous dysplasia- they had normal bones and probably fractured them skiing or snowboarding. Four hours later they finally called me. They were done. unable to do the rod although they tried for a long time. His tibia was too bowed for them to do it. They ended up having to do a plate which the doc said was less than ideal but would hold the bone in place until it heals.

So now it’s been just over a week. I talk to Ben every day, several times a day, usually for a half hour or more. I have been consistently astounded by his attitude, calm and accepting. He seems to be healing well except that he has had a fluctuating fever every day, the cause of which is still undetermined. He has blood tests and cultures and nothing has shown up positive. No other signs of infection and they have done several CT scans now to see if there is a possible blood clot.

Through it all Ben remains calm. He doesn’t get upset with his nurses or doctors, he doesn’t feel sorry for himself. Being a mathematician and a scientist he is clear and methodical and able to advocate for himself when necessary. He gets tired. I know there’s some frustration but more than that, bafflement. just trying to figure out what the hell is going on. And he just keeps on keeping on.

Wondering how I tie this all in with my general theme of music and sound healing I decided to post a video of one of Ben’s favorite recordings- Debussey’s Le Cathedral Engloutie (The Sunken Cathedral). I remember my music teacher Carl Thorpe playing it in a concert when I was 16. It brought me to tears and I have never forgotten the experience. I confess that I did not post Ben’s favorite recording of the piece- it moved too fast for me and did not have the atmospheric quality that I connect with it so I chose this one instead, which is followed by an orchestral interpretation of the piece- I think Ben will approve!