Tears That Are Unspoken Words

Two years ago my older brother Tim passed away due to Covid. He was 7 years older than me and when we were younger- much younger- he opened me up to a world of great music. We might be at our father’s house in Newport or I might have been up at Tim’s house in Vermont where he lived with a group of friends- a sort of “hippie house”- and I would suddenly hear his voice. “Hey Rosie, come here! You gotta hear this!” He actually never played a single piece of music for me that I didn’t like, in fact generally that I didn’t love. Dave Mason’s album “Alone Together” was one of them- every track on it being excellent. He loved it and I immediately fell in love with it. Since that day, more than 50 years ago, I have listened to it hundreds of times. It is one of my all-time favorite albums. I know every word and every note on that album. (I have gone through two copies of the vinyl- because the first one got so worn out and now have it on CD.)

A few years ago I decided I wanted to learn to play the song “Sad and Deep As You” on my guitar. It’s one of those songs that you can just sit and play and sing over and over and never tire of it. Just a sweet, sad, beautiful song. Four years ago I put everything in storage and left the country for a while. Due to the pandemic I ended up relocating and much of my stuff has stayed in storage. Yesterday I was unpacking a box from a load of stuff I had brought down from RI last week and there was a little pile of papers in the bottom of the box- songs that I had printed out a few years ago, and that song was among them.

I was feeling good, with warm memories, just singing and getting into the sweet groove of the song and suddenly the memory hit me… of Tim turning me on to that album, sitting on the bed with him just completely knocked out by the music- all of the songs, the words, the nuances and that wonderful shared experience… and I was weeping.

And there was the last verse:
Tears that are unspoken words
Tears that are the truth
Tears that tell a story
As sad and deep as you…

So, I sat and cried- wept- and then I started singing it again… and again… and again…

Grateful for memories.
Grateful for the ability to feel deeply.

Remember When...

I’m sitting outside on my porch eating the most delicious grapefruit- it has the most subtle floral flavor to it. I don’t think I’ve ever had one like it. Whenever I eat grapefruit I think of my father. When I was young he lived in Nassau, most of the time on his boat, the Black Pearl- but he had plenty of friends and lovers down there so I’m sure there were other places he stayed when he was by himself. When we visited though, we were either on the boat or at the Lyford Cay Club- and once in Eleuthera at his friend Max Aiken’s house, which for me, was a very special time. But before I digress… one day Dad took me to some country club or golf course for breakfast- just him and me, which was rare and exciting. In fact I don’t have any other memories of doing anything else alone with him throughout my entire childhood. Maybe that’s part of what made it so memorable. Anyway, he ordered a grapefruit for me sprinkled with brown sugar and a maraschino cherry in the middle. I thought it was the best thing I ever tasted in that moment! It was such a wonderful treat and every time I eat grapefruits I think of him and that special few hours we spent together.

Now, how do I turn this into a musical post? Because there was music in Nassau! There was Blind Blake and on Saturday nights there was a buffet at the Lyford Cay Club and Blind Blake would play. I was only 7 years old but I loved his music. I was also painfully shy and whenever we went to see him I wanted to hear “Jamaica Farewell”- which of course I called “Down the way where the nights are gay”. It was my favorite song. I would ask Dad to ask him to play it. But instead he would tell me to go up and ask him myself- in front of all those people who were dining and dancing! I was terrified. But every time I requested a song- maybe that was the only one- he would have me come up and sit on his lap and have me tell him what I wanted to hear. He was so sweet and I was so totally embarassed but thrilled at the same time. I couldn’t find that version of his song but here is another by him. I like the video because it has a number of pictures of him. I also found this short but interesting article which I am reposting from the Grand Bahama Museum website:

Father of Bahamian Music
Mar. 31, 2022

Blake Alphonso Higgs (1915 – 1986), better known as "Blind Blake", is considered the Father of Bahamian Music. Born in Matthew Town, Inagua, Higgs was blind from boyhood. Over his lifetime he wrote sixty goombay tunes and recorded four albums. He spent most of his career performing at the Royal Victoria Hotel in Nassau. In his later years, the Government hired him to entertain tourists at the International Airport.

In keeping with goombay tradition the themes of Higgs’ songs do not have profound social messages but tell a story or recount a specific event. One of his most famous songs, "Little Nassau/Peas and Rice", was written during Prohibition. The medley details the easy access to alcohol in Nassau but complains of the Bahamian frustration with a diet of peas and rice.

Click here to listen to "Peas and Rice".

His ballad "Run Come See Jerusalem" describes the1929 Bahamas Hurricane.

Click here to listen to "Run Come See Jerusalem".

He is well-known for his performance of "Love, Love Alone", a song about the abdication of Edward VIII. The Duke of Windsor, served as Governor of the Bahamas during World War II.

Click here to listen to "Love, Love Alone".

Though Higgs never enjoyed fame in his own right, his music influenced many popular performers, including Dave Van Ronk, James "Stump" Johnson, Pete Seeger, and Lord Mouse and the Kalypso Katz. Most famously, the Beach Boys recorded Higgs’ 1952 “John B. Sail”, renamed as the “Sloop John B.” Johnny Cash’s “Delia” was a rewrite of “Delia Gone.”

Gardening and Grooving

It’s been a very intense year so far. Every day i want to write and I have had some frustration with not being able to post new pictures on my computer. Long story- not interesting to anyone, I’m sure! So we’ll just glide right past that. Update- problem solved

So where am I right now? Here’s a quick update. I fell in love.*

And now it’s September and I fell out of love. Okay, back to what I was writing two months ago.

My son Moose and his wife Jenny had twins- Ruby and Wren- on December 26. They came home from the hospital at the end of January a couple of days before their official due date of 2.22.22.

I drove back and forth to Rhode Island and Maine 3 times between October and December… and then a 4th time in April for my brother Tim’s funeral after he died from Covid.

Tim on the far right, 1972, with our younger brother Peter at the helm (age 15 at the time and youngest crew member) during transatlantic to Kiel, Germany for Operation Sail, aboard the Black Pearl.

A week after Tim’s funeral I flew out to Minneapolis to meet my granddaughters, Ruby and Wren, in the sweet pink baby flesh! They were 3 months old and it was the perfect balm after losing my brother- not that it could make up for it, but it certainly softened things a lot and nurtured my soul.

Oh, did I mention I had an appendectomy? February 22, the same night my brother Tim was put on a ventilator. Ugh, not a good night. The night before I was probably the sickest and most scared I have ever been in my adult life, vomiting violently to the point I thought I was actually going to suffocate as I was unable at times to even get a breath. it was horrible. Anyway, I got through it and felt a thousand times better after the offending organ was removed! But an emotionally challenging time as Tim was also clearly not recovering from Covid the way it was anticipated.

Next? May rolled around and I went to Florida to do 3 Healing Sound Journeys- the first public events I had done since the start of the pandemic! I have LOTS more to say about that trip and the things I learned about my work, all (or most) of which I am saving for another post. I will post a groovy picture here though!

Instruments set up for a Healing Sound Journey at the Temple of The Living God in St. Petersburg, FL.

And then it was June- which is when I started this post! A trip to Haris Lender’s Yurtananda, her very groovy retreat in the hills of Virginia down the road from Swami Satchitananda’s ashram in Yogaville. She had just completed a beautiful outdoor music stage and invited me up to do a Healing Sound Journey outside in the woods with the birds and the bees and some trees- and a few people too! She was unquestionably the hostess with the mostess and it was a wonderful time!

For those of you who are on Facebook, here is a link to a short video that Haris took. Unfortunately there is no other access to it. To watch video click here.

And that’s all for now- almost! I got back home and was able to do a bit of gardening- put in a sweet little herb garden… planted 3 kinds of thyme, rosemary, lavender, parsley, echinacea, mint, catnip, lemon balm, lamb’s ears, kalanchoe and a gorgeous orange canna.

I also managed to find time for a bit of artistic expression (besides cooking, music, sound healing and gardening) and I did this collage on canvas which I think is my favorite to date. So, I’ve caught you up to June with many gaps but I’ll leave you with this image. More to come.

World In Changes... You Gotta Keep Dancing!

My brother Tim passed away on March 18, 2022 due to the seemingly ever-present virus that has been around for the past two-plus years. He was seven years older than me. Simply put, it sucks. His beautiful wife, two brave and brilliant daughters and four young grandchildren left behind. Plus four younger siblings… and a huge posse of people who loved his boundless energy and positivity.

The greatest connection that he and I shared was our love of music. Throughout my teen years I have a memory of being in our father’s house in Newport or at Horn Corner, the communal house Tim lived in up in Vermont- and I would hear his voice…. “Hey Rosie- come in here! You gotta hear this!” A new artist, a new song and he would point out the words or a harmony or a particular instrument or just some beautiful subtlety in the arrangement. He loved good harmonies- he loved the Beach Boys! I always remember the first time he played the Rolling Stones song “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” for me and telling me that it was The London Boys Choir- a choir of all young boys. He was so taken by those beautiful voices. In fact (I only just found out when I googled it) it turns out that it was actually The London Bach choir… but regardless. It was a moment in time and in history- both my personal history and the history of rock and roll.

”It should be known the London Bach Choir, the original choir hired by The Rolling Stones for "You Can't Always Get What You Want," was anyone (men and women) aged 18 and over, contrary to popular opinion (for years) that the voices of the choir was all young boys.” (Steve Hoffman Music Forum)

Over the past few weeks I have been compiling a playlist on Spotify of some of the music that Tim turned me onto, with some help from my siblings. On different days different tunes get stuck in my head. This one is in there a lot.

He also loved to dance. A few years ago we were talking and I said I hadn’t been dancing in ages and how much I missed it. He said, “Rosie! You gotta keep dancing! You have to dance at least a half hour every day! Put on some music and dance in your living room- I dance every day!”

Today I got an email from Chuck Prophet, a great musician, who is going through some health challenges. I thought about what I could do to send him some uplifting energy and decided that the best thing I could do was to put some of his music on and dance. I didn’t ever get to share this song with Tim but I have a feeling he would have loved it. For me, it is for sure on my top ten list of favorite songs ever recorded- and it’s great to dance to so turn your speakers up! From now on I will always think of my brother Tim when I dance- and I am making a point to dance a lot more.

I AM

I gave myself a vibroacoustic sound treatment today, wanting to relieve my mind and emotional body a bit and continue the healing from my recent appendectomy using Richway’s BioAcoustic Mat together with the Amethyst BioMat, a therapeutic far-infrared heating pad. Mostly I was feeling sad and worried about my brother who is in critical condition with Covid and deeply concerned for his family. I turned up the sound and turned up the heat! I played the album “A Universe to Come” by Tulku, produced by the late great Jim Wilson. All of his work lends itself really well to vibroacoustic therapy.

i dropped in fast and deep. Images came and went before I had to a chance to grasp them. The only thing I distinctly remember was the sense at a certain point that the encumbrances of my physical body had dropped away and my energetic body felt fluid and expanded. it felt like it was dancing, but not like the physical body dancing- more like waves on the ocean, being pushed by the wind and the ocean currents- but in this case by the frequencies, by the rhythms and tones of the music.

When the music was over I lay there for a long time- maybe another half hour. My mind was very still. I got up feeling quiet inside. This is the last track on the CD. It is beautiful and profound.

Creativity- I AM Processing the Process

About 3 weeks ago I ordered Seth Godin’s latest book The Practice: Shipping Creative Work. Subsequently I ordered a copy for my son Benjamin and the following week for my son Namdev as we decided to join together in our own private familial motivational group. I talked about this in my last post.

I AM= Inspiration, Aspirations and Motivation. Since I am somewhat the ringleader for this little brainstorming group I definitely need to see the places where I fall short of really stepping up to- and into- what is available to me, in terms of my own work, my own creativity, my own process. Now that all three of us have the book I have no excuses but to start reading it- which I did late this afternoon.

I have certain ideas about how I want to move forward with my work but they require a serious amount of rethinking my approach in this time of Covid- and the fact is I have done plenty of rethinking and come up with what I believe to be some good ideas. So what is holding me back? Why haven’t I moved forward on more of my ideas?

One thing I am becoming aware of is that it is easier to be accountable to another person than it is to myself. If someone else asks me to do a Sound Journey or teach a workshop I am there. When I have an actual space to work out of where physical bodies are going to show up, that too is very inviting to me. To show up online feels very raw- somehow it’s as if the bodies create a buffer or a sense of safety. How do I move past that? Just do it- differently. Putting off writing a blog post because suddenly my computer won’t charge? (Yes, that is my current situation.) Too bad! Write it on your phone. Okay, I AM.

Being accountable to one’s own self- that seems to be a big part of the challenge. Hence the I AM Group- and I get to help somebody else while I’m helping myself.

Feelin' Good

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life- and it’s a new year! And I AM feelin’ good!

So much to celebrate, so much to be grateful for.

My new year always starts off on January 9. January 8 is my birthday and, for me, the culmination of the holiday season. My final sweet treat- always the best carrot cake I can find- which for the past two years has been my own- far healthier than whatever I can get “out there” and absolutely killer! This year I didn’t have my cake until January 10th because my actual birthday was so full. and I didn’t have time to bake it until the next evening- by which time it was too late to eat it! On the day of, I did a sound journey via Zoom which was attended by about 35 people- what a wonderful way to celebrate! Not my plan- it was hosted by my friend Rose Russo who runs a yoga group for cancer survivors. It just “happened” to land on my birthday. Friends from near and far- even one whom I had not seen since I was 17! What a treat- so wonderful.

Meanwhile I AM doing my best to get down to business, to think about what I want to create and what I want to regenerate in this bright new year. My intention is to set reasonable goals- enlightenment can wait… but occasionally withdrawing my attention from the objects of my experience and relaxing gently into the awareness of I AM no longer seems impossible.

I am reading Rupert Spira’s book Being Myself and feel like I am beginning to understand (which reminds me of another song). A water molecule cannot separate itself from the water and look at the ocean. It can only relax into the experience of being the ocean. It can look at the little fishes and the big fishes and the coral and the plankton and the sunlight coming through the water and all of the wonders that present themselves but it is one with the water. It cannot actually look back at its Self- it can only rest in the fullness of the experience of Being. And so it is.

I am posting another video here- the Moody Blues Melancholy Man- which sounds like it might be gloomy - but in fact I feel like it is so full of hope. This is a great live version of the song. I believe it was from a concert on the Isle of Wight.
“All the world astounds me and I think I understand
That we’re going to keep growing, wait and see.”

Are You Awake?

Hello my friends. Today is Day 9 of my Restorative Retreat. I am so happy and grateful that I can stay here for a while and not feel like I have to get up and go anywhere else for the time being. When it feels right and I feel ready and well rested I will take a ride up to RI and get some more of my stuff out of storage but I am not making a plan other than to pay attention and follow my guidance on that.

I have been absorbed in sound and music in various forms. I’ve spent quite a bit of time practicing the piano and playing the guitar, trying to break out and explore new possibilities rather than just sticking with what I know- which Is easy to do on the piano because I don’t know much at all other than the notes and basic scales. I do understand the basics of creating chords also so I have a little bit of very basic foundational material to work with.

… And… some time has elapsed since I wrote the above- I am now on day 13 of my stay-at-home retreat! I have completed a painting (see below!), created several very simple short riffs on the piano, painted a couple of stools for the breakfast bar in my kitchen, made homemade pizza (and had Mahesh & Mukta over to help me eat them), explored double drop D tuning on the guitar, taken a two-hour online yoga class on the day of the most recent full moon and been working on whitening the bones of a turtle skeleton and shell found down by the pond on the property where I live. I’ve also made a few short meditation videos intended basically to help my friends end their evening on a good note. I spent hours one day going through pictures from the Sound Body Wholistic Health Center- my old sound healing center in St. Pete- just to pick out a new cover photo for the Facebook page for the center. And I’ve watched a whole bunch of episodes of “Doctor, Doctor” on Amazon Prime- AKA “The Heart Guy”!

I have several plants that Mahesh and Mukta gave me waiting to be planted. Cannas and kalanchoe… and a rosemary plant that I bought at the market. My yard is very drab. Needs some new life for sure. It’s small but there’s plenty of room for some herbs and flowers to brighten things up. The truth is I’ve been nervous about digging around too much in the yard because the one day I did in the spring I was introduced to chiggers- not fun!

Last night before bed I had a teaspoon of honey with cannabis extract in it. It is supposed to help with sleep. It didn’t- in fact it had the opposite effect. I was up til somewhere around 5 a.m. At a certain point it occurred to me that perhaps I should focus on “waking up” rather than going to sleep. I am fascinated by my dream state… isn’t my “waking state” equally as important, if not more so? And what does it mean to be awake? So I picked up Francis Lucille’s book, The Perfume of Silence.

I have only just started it but I can pretty comfortably say that it is on the nature of consciousness and non-dual reality. In response to a question in the beginning of the book he uses the sound of birds and ambient outdoor sounds as a reference point. He says, “Ask yourself, ‘Where do they appear?’ If the answer is that the bird is singing 50 feet from here, see that this is not actually your experience, that it is a concept. The actual experience of the sound is happening at a zero distance from you, not 50 feet away. It is not happening there but rather here, always. Everything is always happening here and now.”

Immediately I tuned into the sound of the crickets “outside” and suddenly felt that i was floating in a sea of consciousness. Everything that “seems” to be happening to me and around me is happening within the consciousness of I AM. I picked up my journal long enough to write “There is no separation between ‘I’ and my experience of the world around me- around the body I seem to inhabit. I am in fact inhabiting everything I seem to come into contact with.” And then drifted back out into the sea of consciousness…

Meditation, Inspiration, Restoration

It’s Sunday. Supposed to be a day of rest- which it was. But it also was a day of creative ideas and the inspiration to start something new. It’s easy to mark the time when I begin anew on a Sunday. I received the inspiration in my meditation yesterday to begin a self-guided restorative retreat today. Minimum 28 days but may go to 40 days. What I’m getting is that the retreat itself will be 28 days but I am going to do a 40-day yoga practice. I have been around people almost constantly for the past 3 months and have hardly been at home at all. In the past few days I am beginning to get reacclimated to being in my own space… by myself. The first two days I was totally exhausted from all I have been doing over the past 3 months and didn’t feel like doing anything, plus there was some personal family stuff going on that was taking quite a bit of my time and attention.

I made some good soups a couple of days ago because I had been traveling and there are so many cases of breakthrough Covid. I wanted to be ready in case I got it so I bought some chicken and made a beautiful batch of bone broth yesterday as well as some delicious cauliflower vichyssoise.

And now it’s Monday… I am looking back at yesterday- my inspiration and activity. It felt like I did so much stuff on Day One of my Restorative Retreat! Here are some of the things that are to be included in my retreat and the forms they have taken thus far. A creative activity- yesterday it was painting. Plus playing guitar, piano and drumming- all of which also fall into the soundwork category which is to be included each day. Healthy food, cleanse, diet plan… am presently preparing to do a liver flush in a few days so eating lightly- although meals are always a creative endeavor for me to some degree- and drinking a quart of organic apple juice each day for a minimum of 6 days to prepare for flush. (I will probably do 9 days.) I also made two short videos- one of me playing the piano which was just for my brother who gave me his old keyboard and a two minute video of me playing the Himalayan singing bowls just before bed- a little kiss goodnight to my friends.

I spent hours looking at some old videos from the Sound Body Center last night and posted one on YouTube, which isn’t really ready for viewing til I put the follow-up ones on there- they’re basically a sort of triptych. They’ll go together in 3 parts. I did about 45 minutes of kundalini yoga and some meditation and photographed butterflies. One of my sons gave me a beautiful digital Nikon camera a few years ago and I have had major trouble getting the settings right. I gave up on it for a long time but I’m back, slowly figuring out how to get the best out of it- another project which I am determined to succeed at.

Today I created a designated workspace for myself, did some more photography, am in the midst of uploading another video to YouTube, played the piano and have been writing. I intend by the end of the day to also have done my yoga practice and worked on my painting.

I also received the inspiration of a body prayer yesterday- combining sound and movement. Once I have completed the video of it I will share it here. It is called The Embodiment of Sound.

Meanwhile, while I have been sitting here writing I have uploaded the other two videos I mentioned from the days of the Sound Body Center. As I said before there are 3 parts to it. I didn’t post the very first one but you can find it on my YouTube channel- the caveat is that the first three minutes are a lot of talk and not much drumming so you may want to skip over some of it! I find it entertaining but you might not! The first one posted here has some great drumming with Fred Johnson and Jay Klein and the second one is Fred and I jamming together. They’re fun. So nice to revisit the sonic space of love and connection that was created there!

SMiLE!

This morning someone sent me a wonderful song (Vege-tables) by Brian Wilson which led right into this incredible brilliant joyful and heartwarming full live performance of his 2004 album release, SMiLE (begun in 1967). I had no intention of watching a music video first thing in the morning but with the opening notes I was hooked. I went into my kitchen, turned my Bose Bluetooth speaker up high, cleaned my kitchen and danced and sang- and decided I should start every day dancing! But seriously, this is brilliant- complex beautiful arrangements that could only come from the musical genius of Brian Wilson. Turn up your speakers and SMiLE!

Ring The Bells

Today is a great day in America. We can breathe again. No words are needed. I offer you this.

Magical Maestro Istvan Sky

One simple share tonight. Two days ago I was decluttering my house as part of the personal retreat I am attending by myself in my home and I let this track play over and over.

If you want to know more about this extraordinary being watch this film. It is well worth the time.

Thank You Mr. Byrne and Mr. Bowie

I missed a few things I intended to do yesterday- like write a blog post. And do my yoga practice. But I didn’t forget my birthday! It was one of the best ever and I spent much of the day by myself. I had made a carrot cake the night before and yesterday went about making the frosting and decorating it, all to the tune- and visuals- of David Byrne’s amazing musical “American Utopia” which is now on film- and SO worth watching!

I saw it live when it came out in September of 2019 and was absolutely wild about it. I turned the volume way up and danced and sang and stirred butter and cream cheese and confectioner’s sugar and licked the spoon a whole lot- and had the best afternoon. In the eighties and the early nineties one of my birthday rituals was to watch the Jonathan Demme concert film of the Talking Heads “Stop Making Sense”. sometime during the day. I have always loved their music and David Byrne in all his interesting iterations since he has been on his own. I find him and his music fascinating and brilliant. I briefly considered revisiting the past yesterday but then realized I could watch “American Utopia” and it was absolutely the perfect choice. It was almost as exhilarating as seeing it live and the filmwork was fabulous- credit to Spike Lee for that!

This was after I had run downtown to pick up flowers. Right around noon I was just about to start making the frosting when I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize. I almost didn’t answer because I have been getting so many calls in the last few weeks about refinancing my vehicle (thanks to an online search which I didn’t realize would lead to a zillion phone calls). Fortunately, I guess because I was in a celebratory mood, I answered. Turned out it was a FedEx guy. He told me he had a delivery of flowers for me but the weather was supposed to get bad and they had been told to stop deliveries except emergencies like medicine. He said. “I could wait til Monday… but it’s flowers and they won’t last!” He was so sweet and said he would meet me downtown if I wanted to pick them up. I told him it was my birthday and maybe one of my sons had sent me flowers? And yes! I would love to pick them up and was so grateful to him for making the effort to call me. He wished me happy birthday about 3 times before I got off the phone and then I headed out to meet him. I really was so touched by his thoughtfulness. It turned out they were a gorgeous bouquet of lilies and roses that my son Nic, his girlfriend Elizabeth and my grandson Jonah had sent me. I adore fresh flowers and between the kindness of the FedEx guy and the thoughtfulness of my son and his family and the most perfect flowers the whole thing got my day off to a great start.

Once my frosting and dancing were done I cleaned myself up and went up to my friends Mahesh and Mukta’s house, up the hill behind where I live, cake in hand. They had cooked a wonderful dinner of dal, sweet potatoes and pasta with kale and shitake mushrooms and then we had the birthday cake.- completely organic and totally delicous- and another very powerful musical experience!

David Bowie’s musical “Lazarus”, which opened on Broadway just a month before he died, was livestreaming last night in the US as a tribute to his passing five years ago- on January 10, 2016, two days after his 69th birthday on January 8 and the release of his 25th studio album, Blackstar. The event will also livestream between tonight and tomorrow night in various locations and at different times across the globe. If you are a Bowie fan it is so well worth seeing. I don’t want to get into the story or a critique or review of it but I will tell you it’s phenomenal- every performance is brilliant- and if you missed it then I would say to pray that it is eventually released on Netflix, Amazon Prime or becomes available as a DVD. You can read about it HERE.

Since I share my birthday with him (yes, I know- Elvis too) and I consider him one of the greatest musical geniuses of my generation, I could not have been more thrilled than to finish off my evening watching this brilliant musical with my two very dear friends. All in all it was a great day and a very memorable birthday. And I am happy to be alive.

“Lazarus” on pause in the background!

Photo of David Bowie by Adam Bielawski, 2008.

Gratitude

I woke up extremely conscious of the passage of time yesterday and am feeling directed to make better use of it. There is no shortage of it- as well as the opportunity to spend a lot of said time in solitude. My intention this winter was to focus on immersing myself in the experience and study of sound and its effects in various forms. Of course that has been my path for a very long time but there is an opportunity right now since there is no gathering in groups and I am in a new place and not particularly inclined to promote private sessions right now until the spread of Covid begins to subside.

To that end I have joined a 7-day mantra practice with Jai Uttal as well as a 40-day kundalini yoga practice which begins on January 4. Those are the formal practices I am engaging in. Then there are my personal practices. I am definitely exploring the effects of Richway’s BioAcoustic Mat since I do not have my Soundweaver here. I haven’t been using it as often as I could but that is going to change too! I am using it with the BioMat on top which is a great combination. Yesterday I gave myself a 50-minute session while doing long distant healing for a friend at the same time. The music I used was Nawang Khechog and Carlos Nakai’s recording “Winds of Devotion” which is so beautiful and one that I have always found to be very powerful and effective on the Soundweaver.

Today I went for a beautiful walk in the woods. I found myself filled with deep gratitude… gratitude for time, for beauty, for the experience of being in a body where- because of the apparent separation- we have the gift of appreciation, for my teachers- past and present, known and unknown, for my ancestors, for my family, my parents, my siblings, my children and grandchildren, for all the masters who have walked the earth, for all that is past and all that is to come. It was an endless, expansive and totally joyful experience. From gratitude I moved into prayer. i walked and I prayed and I prayed and i walked. The prayer became the simple mantra from Dr. Emoto, “I love you, I thank you, I respect you.” As I looked at the trees, the water, the ferns, the rocks, the sky, felt the air on my skin, heard the sounds of the running water, thought about the molecules, atoms and particles that all matter is composed of… “I love you, I thank you, I respect you.” And myself, a hand on my heart “I love you”, joined by my other hand on my heart “I thank you”, and one hand then raised to my third eye “I respect you”. Over and over, tears streaming down my face.

I love you.
I thank you.
I respect you.

A New Dawn

2021. Happy New Year! I feel good. I feel hopeful.

2+0+2+1= 5. In numerology 5 is about change and transformation and after 2020 (4, think “square”, grounded, solid, not particularly creative or forward thinking) I think we are all looking forward to some major changes. That’s all I’m going to say about that!

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day… and it’s a new year! I went to sleep a little after midnight and woke up at 4 a.m. thinking about things I want to get done and one of the first things that came to mind was to start blogging again. Along with it came this song.

Halellujah I Am Home!

Hello my friends! This is going to be a VERY short post just to say I AM HOME AT LAST! To be in quarantine, on lockdown, I could have been in so many far worse places and situations and it was not stressful being in the Philippines- but it WAS stressful trying to get home. I finally paid the big bucks to Korean Air about two weeks ago as I had heard, after two months of dealing with Philippine Airlines and having one flight after another canceled, that they were the way to go. Their international flights were going out on a regular basis and dependable, from all reports. I told my friend I had been traveling with that I was done waiting on Philippine Airlines (note the acronym- PAL! So not!) and was paying for the Stress Reduction Plan. Korean Air got me on a flight just two days after I called them at 10:30 pm (at which time they answered my call rather than keeping me on hold for an hour) and I made it back to the crazy old US of A another 24 hours later with a layover in Seoul- which happened to be the coolest airport I have yet experienced and well worth the eight hour layover!

One of the cool sitting areas in Incheon Airport- I spent 8 hours in the airport and could have stayed longer!

I am transient at this moment, staying at my son Moose and his new wife Jenny’s house in St. Paul, MN. They got married two days after I got back and that was the best homecoming I ever could have hoped for. I am decompressing and easily acclimating to being back in the states even at this strange time in which we have found ourselves. It is difficult for so many and strange in so many ways but there is so much familiarity that I find a great deal of comfort in it nonetheless.

Jenny and Moose Hardisty, married 6.20.2020