About a week ago I called my eldest son Sparky (Joshua). We share a love of music, movies and art, among other things. I was thinking about Mr. Dobolina.
Read moreCreativity- I AM Processing the Process
About 3 weeks ago I ordered Seth Godin’s latest book The Practice: Shipping Creative Work. Subsequently I ordered a copy for my son Benjamin and the following week for my son Namdev as we decided to join together in our own private familial motivational group. I talked about this in my last post.
I AM= Inspiration, Aspirations and Motivation. Since I am somewhat the ringleader for this little brainstorming group I definitely need to see the places where I fall short of really stepping up to- and into- what is available to me, in terms of my own work, my own creativity, my own process. Now that all three of us have the book I have no excuses but to start reading it- which I did late this afternoon.
I have certain ideas about how I want to move forward with my work but they require a serious amount of rethinking my approach in this time of Covid- and the fact is I have done plenty of rethinking and come up with what I believe to be some good ideas. So what is holding me back? Why haven’t I moved forward on more of my ideas?
One thing I am becoming aware of is that it is easier to be accountable to another person than it is to myself. If someone else asks me to do a Sound Journey or teach a workshop I am there. When I have an actual space to work out of where physical bodies are going to show up, that too is very inviting to me. To show up online feels very raw- somehow it’s as if the bodies create a buffer or a sense of safety. How do I move past that? Just do it- differently. Putting off writing a blog post because suddenly my computer won’t charge? (Yes, that is my current situation.) Too bad! Write it on your phone. Okay, I AM.
Being accountable to one’s own self- that seems to be a big part of the challenge. Hence the I AM Group- and I get to help somebody else while I’m helping myself.
I AM... Happy New Year
I can’t believe I haven’t written a blog post since August! Well, it’s a new year and here I am again. My son Benjamin and I had a sort of brainstorming session today to see how we could inspire and and motivate each other to move forward on some things we both want to accomplish. We have started a group called I AM- Inspiration, Aspirations, and Motivation. We each committed to a 30-day trial period and we will check in with each other once a week via Zoom to see how the other is progressing. My main focus is to work on a book on sound healing I started writing years ago and his is to get a couple of papers completed that he has been working on for a very long time.
One of the other things I wanted to do was to get back to my blog. We are going to read Seth Godin’s book The Practice: Shipping Creative Work together and I am committed to writing a blog post once a day.
I’m done for today. It’s a start.
I AM grateful.
Doubt, Guilt and the Benefit of Confidence (inspired by Seth Godin)
I was going through some old emails and I came across a very thought-provoking blog post by Seth Godin, dated June 28, which I had saved but not yet read, and it inspired me to write.
The benefit of the doubt
Doubt is corrosive.
Someone faced with doubt rarely brings her best self to the table. Doubt undermines confidence, it casts aspersions, it assumes untruths.
Yes, of course you need to qualify your leads. And yes, we know that you need to protect against risk and to not waste your time.
But... if you're going to spend five minutes or five hours with someone, what happens if you begin with, "the benefit of confidence" instead? What if you begin by believing, by seeking to understand, by rooting for the other person to share their best stories, their vision and their hopes?
Perhaps you can manipulate someone by scowling, by negging, by putting on airs. But if you do that, you end up with people who have been manipulated, who are wounded and not ready to soar.
The problem with qualifying leads is that all the obvious ones are already taken.
The challenge with assuming that someone is completely imperfect is that you'll almost certainly be right.
There's plenty of room for doubt later, isn't there?
I love this. "The benefit of confidence." Of course... we see what we want to see- or, we see what we believe. It may not be what we think we want to see and of course we are constantly projecting. We see others ultimately as we see ourselves or the parts of ourselves we choose to deny and disown. I'd much rather see that needy aspect in someone else than to own it! But, what if that neediness is just a mistaken belief about myself? And what if I let go of the all the doubts I have about myself and about all the supposed "ugliness" that I am constantly trying to hide? What if I made it all up? Can I change my mind and reveal my hidden (and deeply rooted) beliefs about myself? Can I make a deliberate choice on how I see another rather than simply casting out the old projections and assumptions? When I approach another with the "benefit of the doubt", how am I approaching myself? Can I approach myself with the "benefit of confidence"?
This is a powerful possibility for healing our minds on a very deep level.
A few days ago something came across the internet while I was online- a website where you can find out all kinds of personal information about pretty much anyone. The suggestion by a few people who had done it was to put in your own name so you can see how much information is really out there about you. So I did. It took quite a while. It kept running through more and more information searching for different addresses, criminal records, financial records, etc., etc. I watched my level of anxiety rise. What would they find out about me? What awful things have I done or gotten in trouble for that I have forgotten about? What things am I being accused of that I didn't do? What terrible things are people that I don't even know thinking, believing about me?
It ran through the whole program- which took quite a while- and when it got to the end I was informed that I could now access the file for the mere sum of $27.95. Should I go for it, after hanging out for an hour waiting for it to finish doing its thing and unearthing every scrap of dirt about me? Yes, because there is bound to be something awful in there and I need to know what it is. Yes, Paypal. Boom.
There was nothing there. A few old addresses where I had lived over the past 30 years (and one where I hadn't lived- the address of my mother's lawyer). My educational background- not much information there!
What I did discover was my own deeply rooted belief that I must be guilty even if I don't know/remember what terrible sins I have committed. So, this turned out to be an incredibly powerful and revealing process for me. I saw a depth of fear and belief in my own guilt that I was not consciously aware of up to that point.
A Course in Miracles tells us, “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him you will see yourself. As you treat him you will treat yourself. As you think of him you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. Whenever two Sons of God meet they are given another chance at salvation. Do not leave anyone without giving salvation to him and receiving it yourself. For I am always there with you, in remembrance of you.”
Over the past twenty plus years as a sound healing practitioner, I have played this song many hundreds of times for people who were moving through their own personal doubts and challenges. I guess I need to listen to it again myself... deeply.
Someone faced with doubt rarely brings her best self to the table. Doubt undermines confidence, it casts aspersions, it assumes untruths.
Yes, of course you need to qualify your leads. And yes, we know that you need to protect against risk and to not waste your time.
But... if you're going to spend five minutes or five hours with someone, what happens if you begin with, "the benefit of confidence" instead? What if you begin by believing, by seeking to understand, by rooting for the other person to share their best stories, their vision and their hopes?
Perhaps you can manipulate someone by scowling, by negging, by putting on airs. But if you do that, you end up with people who have been manipulated, who are wounded and not ready to soar.
The problem with qualifying leads is that all the obvious ones are already taken.
The challenge with assuming that someone is completely imperfect is that you'll almost certainly be right.
There's plenty of room for doubt later, isn't there?
I love this. "The benefit of confidence." Of course... we see what we want to see- or, we see what we believe. It may not be what we think we want to see and of course we are constantly projecting. We see others ultimately as we see ourselves or the parts of ourselves we choose to deny and disown. I'd much rather see that needy aspect in someone else than to own it! But, what if that neediness is just a mistaken belief about myself? And what if I let go of the all the doubts I have about myself and about all the supposed "ugliness" that I am constantly trying to hide? What if I made it all up? Can I change my mind and reveal my hidden (and deeply rooted) beliefs about myself? Can I make a deliberate choice on how I see another rather than simply casting out the old projections and assumptions? When I approach another with the "benefit of the doubt", how am I approaching myself? Can I approach myself with the "benefit of confidence"?
This is a powerful possibility for healing our minds on a very deep level.
A few days ago something came across the internet while I was online- a website where you can find out all kinds of personal information about pretty much anyone. The suggestion by a few people who had done it was to put in your own name so you can see how much information is really out there about you. So I did. It took quite a while. It kept running through more and more information searching for different addresses, criminal records, financial records, etc., etc. I watched my level of anxiety rise. What would they find out about me? What awful things have I done or gotten in trouble for that I have forgotten about? What things am I being accused of that I didn't do? What terrible things are people that I don't even know thinking, believing about me?
It ran through the whole program- which took quite a while- and when it got to the end I was informed that I could now access the file for the mere sum of $27.95. Should I go for it, after hanging out for an hour waiting for it to finish doing its thing and unearthing every scrap of dirt about me? Yes, because there is bound to be something awful in there and I need to know what it is. Yes, Paypal. Boom.
There was nothing there. A few old addresses where I had lived over the past 30 years (and one where I hadn't lived- the address of my mother's lawyer). My educational background- not much information there!
What I did discover was my own deeply rooted belief that I must be guilty even if I don't know/remember what terrible sins I have committed. So, this turned out to be an incredibly powerful and revealing process for me. I saw a depth of fear and belief in my own guilt that I was not consciously aware of up to that point.
A Course in Miracles tells us, “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him you will see yourself. As you treat him you will treat yourself. As you think of him you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. Whenever two Sons of God meet they are given another chance at salvation. Do not leave anyone without giving salvation to him and receiving it yourself. For I am always there with you, in remembrance of you.”
Over the past twenty plus years as a sound healing practitioner, I have played this song many hundreds of times for people who were moving through their own personal doubts and challenges. I guess I need to listen to it again myself... deeply.
Grabbing The Muse By the Balls
I just read this statement by Seth Godin.
SUSDAT
Abbey Ryan has painted a new painting every day for 8 years.
Isaac Asimov published 400 books, by typing every day.
This is post #6000 on this blog.
Writer's block is a myth, a recent invention, a cultural malady.
More important than the output, though, is the act itself. The act of doing it every day. When you commit to a practice, you will certainly have days when you don't feel like it, when you believe it's not your best work, when the muse deserts you. But, when you keep your commitment, the muse returns. When you keep your commitment, the work happens.
It doesn't matter if anyone reads it, buys it, sponsors it or shares it. It matters that you show up.
Show up, sit down and type. (Or paint).
I loved it when I did Your Turn Challenge and was blogging every day. The muse hasn't left but it certainly feels like time has been slipping away. So I am grabbing it back in this moment.
I have in fact updated my website in the last few days which you can see if you go to the Upcoming Events and Workshops. Also the "Sound Therapy Program" at Women & Infants Hospital (which, quite simply, is me) is going to be featured next week in the Providence Journal. They are coming to the hospital on Monday to take pictures of me doing a Healing Sound Journey and interview me and one or two of the patients. I am quite excited about this!
I'm also going to be doing a wonderful solstice event on Monday evening with a pretty amazing woman I met recently- Erica Nunnally. I am really looking forward to it. I loved her relaxed groundedness and openness when I met her- someone who seems to be very comfortable in her own skin as well as being a person with intention, integrity and focus- a great combination!
Check it out here: Lumina: A Celebration of Winter Solstice
I have been staying up too late every night for the past few weeks but somehow not getting done many of the things I would like. In this moment I am taking the time to show up and do something that is important to me- getting back on top of my blog.
Isaac Asimov published 400 books, by typing every day.
This is post #6000 on this blog.
Writer's block is a myth, a recent invention, a cultural malady.
More important than the output, though, is the act itself. The act of doing it every day. When you commit to a practice, you will certainly have days when you don't feel like it, when you believe it's not your best work, when the muse deserts you. But, when you keep your commitment, the muse returns. When you keep your commitment, the work happens.
It doesn't matter if anyone reads it, buys it, sponsors it or shares it. It matters that you show up.
Show up, sit down and type. (Or paint).
I loved it when I did Your Turn Challenge and was blogging every day. The muse hasn't left but it certainly feels like time has been slipping away. So I am grabbing it back in this moment.
I have in fact updated my website in the last few days which you can see if you go to the Upcoming Events and Workshops. Also the "Sound Therapy Program" at Women & Infants Hospital (which, quite simply, is me) is going to be featured next week in the Providence Journal. They are coming to the hospital on Monday to take pictures of me doing a Healing Sound Journey and interview me and one or two of the patients. I am quite excited about this!
I'm also going to be doing a wonderful solstice event on Monday evening with a pretty amazing woman I met recently- Erica Nunnally. I am really looking forward to it. I loved her relaxed groundedness and openness when I met her- someone who seems to be very comfortable in her own skin as well as being a person with intention, integrity and focus- a great combination!
Check it out here: Lumina: A Celebration of Winter Solstice
I have been staying up too late every night for the past few weeks but somehow not getting done many of the things I would like. In this moment I am taking the time to show up and do something that is important to me- getting back on top of my blog.
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| My mother at her writing desk, probably in the early fifties. I wonder what she was writing. |
Taking the Plunge
A few days ago I made a decision around something I was wavering about. I recommitted to going to Holland even though no one has signed up for my sound healing workshop. I was feeling very nervous about it, basically in regard to spending money with the possibility of not making enough money to make it financially viable. The discussion I had with my friend Paul, who is hosting me along with his partner Jane, was about going out on a limb and the fact that when we do that some of the best stuff happens. As Gabrielle Roth once said (possibly in reference to something else, but it fits), "That's when things get really juicy."
Just now I read Seth Godin's blog post for today. It feels very applicable.
Reckless abandon (is neither)
It's not reckless, because when we leap, when we dive in, when
we begin, only begin, we bring our true nature to the project, we make
it personal and urgent.
And it's not abandon, not in the sense that we've abandoned our senses or our responsibility. In fact, abandoning the fear of fear that is holding us back is the single best way not to abandon the work, the pure execution of the work.
Later, there's time to backpedal and water down. But right now, reckless please.
Once I made a clear decision I felt relieved and unafraid. I have gone from feeling nervous and anxious to very excited.
Plus, as it turns out spring is late this year in Holland, as it has been here, and apparently the tulips are only just starting to come out- which means I will be there at the peak of tulip season! That in itself will be worth the price of admission.
And it's not abandon, not in the sense that we've abandoned our senses or our responsibility. In fact, abandoning the fear of fear that is holding us back is the single best way not to abandon the work, the pure execution of the work.
Later, there's time to backpedal and water down. But right now, reckless please.
Once I made a clear decision I felt relieved and unafraid. I have gone from feeling nervous and anxious to very excited.
Plus, as it turns out spring is late this year in Holland, as it has been here, and apparently the tulips are only just starting to come out- which means I will be there at the peak of tulip season! That in itself will be worth the price of admission.
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| Photo by An Maria C |
Integrating Inspiration
I am feeling very inspired but also very tired so tomorrow I will unravel some more of the inspiration that came to me today. I think I need to sleep on it-I feel like I will be able to integrate more of it with eyes closed!
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| Me resting on the Athena Table- a sound table with speakers built into it made by the Somatron Corporation- I am actually lying here listening to some great music (Tulku by Jim Wilson), feeling the vibrations through my whole body! |
Now It's My Turn! (or What I Am Taking From "Your Turn Challenge")
In the ancient Indian healing science of Ayurveda, it is said that it takes 40 days to break an habit, change a habit or create a new habit. Although it takes 21 days for a habit to create new neural pathways in the brain, it actually takes 40 days for those pathways to become fixed as a new habit.
I feel like I'm well on my way with the commitment to keeping up with my blog and believe it or not, my life is changing because of it. I wake up in the morning thinking about what I am going to write and can't wait to get to it. Last night I didn't get my blog posted until something like 11:53 pm but I still got it done before I turned into a pumpkin!
The word "practice" comes to mind. This is a practice. I am practicing essentially to become a bit more structured, a bit more disciplined, so that I can continue to make room for all the things I want to do, create, and accomplish- on a daily, weekly, yearly and lifelong basis- different levels of goals.
Yesterday I decided to add a new My Turn Challenge to my day and I have committed to doing a simple yet powerful group of exercises every day for 7 days- The Five Tibetan Rites of Rejuvenation. About 12 years ago I did them consistently for two months. I began to feel very positive changes in my physiology after as little as two weeks and I would have to say that after two months the change was quite dramatic. Then one day I had a bad fall playing tennis a little too ambitiously, damaging my wrist and my knee, and I never got back to practicing the Five Rites consistently again. I do them sporadically, once very few days or weeks, usually when I have some sort of pain in my body which they typically seem to relieve quickly. I want to do them, I know they work wonders for me but I don't. What's up with that? Who knows... I don't need to figure it out- I just need to make a change.
Yesterday, waking up with a pain in my neck from carrying wood, I decided it was time to do them and then I thought, "Well, what if I just commit to doing them every day for a week just like I did with blogging?" Start with a simple doable goal. So that's My Turn Challenge for this week. I'm off and running with the blogging- I won't let go of one to pick up the other.
I also just started a book that my therapist recommended to me- Vinegar Into Honey by Ron Leifer. I was talking to him yesterday about the challenge of finding time to read during the day. Why should that be a challenge? I love to read but of late it is. I start to read just before I go to bed when I am so tired I can't read more than two pages typically! It suddenly occurred to me that I could use the My Turn Challenge idea for this too and I decided that when I wake up in the morning- before I check my phone for messages, emails, updates and suddenly discover an hour has gone by- that I will pick up the book and read for at least 15 minutes. Then I can get up do "The 5 Tibetans" (which is exactly what I did this morning- Day 2 of Tibetan Challenge).
One of my bigger goals is to finish writng a book on sound healing that I started well over ten years ago. What I am anticipating is that by getting in the flow of writing in my blog on a daily basis, very soon I will get back to writing something every day in my book and one day in the next year or so it will be done, completed, finito!
The working title, by the way is Sound Possibilities: Restoring Balance and Harmony Through Sound and Music.
Oh and by the way again- I am very excited that I have gone from typically less than 20 page views a month on my blog to 129 yesterday!
So again, a big shout out to Winnie Kao, creator of Your Turn Challenge, and Seth Godin whose work was the inspiration behind it, to all my Facebook Your Turn Challenge new friends, supporters and motivators who on some level I answer to every day and look to for continued inspiration. Also to all the people, friends known and unknown, who "like" my Wholistic Sound Facebook page, who are members of my Sound Body Wholistic Health Center Facebook page, who read this blog, who come for sessions, workshops, sound journeys and meditations and to my four amazing sons- Namdev, Moose, Ben and Nic- who I believe have all come to appreciate that I am always pushing the envelope and know I will always support and encourage them when they want to do the same, do something daring, think outside the box, take a chance, step into the unknown. I love you guys!
Shipping News
Almost a month ago I accepted Winnie Kao's challenge to ship every day for a week- she was referring to blogging. I didn't actually know what it meant but got the inference as I read about it. I haven't read Seth Godin's book Linchpin, where apparently he introduces this term. (I just ordered it!) It seems to mean something like putting your idea, project, product, inspiration out there- sharing whatever it is that is important to you and hopefully benefiting others in the process. Doing what it takes every day to make a difference. So it's not necessarily just writing a blog, although that was really what the challenge referred to.
I was afraid to accept the challenge and didn't actually commit until about two days before it was scheduled to begin. Consistency is not my strong suit and I was afraid I would fail- which meant letting myself down. What actually happened was quite different- and exciting! A group of people accepted the challenge and every day thousands of blog posts were going up on Tumblr- so many that on the third day they actually crashed the site temporarily!
As I began writing every day and randomly reading other people's blog posts I began feeling surprisingly connected to this group. Somehow I thought I would be out there failing on my own! Haha- surprise! We had all made a commitment and we were going to all do it together in the same timeframe. We were joined in our intention. On one level it didn't matter what people were writing about- they were doing it. On another level, they were writing about what was important to them and so of course it mattered.
So there was this very powerful energy of being part of a group and suddenly I felt like I would be letting others down if I missed a day- not because I thought anyone was necessarily even reading what I wrote, but that simply we were all in this together! I felt like the group carried me, like I was riding a wave. It was fun to write every day. It was the first thing I thought of in the morning and I couldn't wait to see what was happening of everyone else. I wrote 7 entries in 7 days. And on the 8th day I wrote again! I have been writing every day since except three days ago when my computer was down and by the time I finished messing with it, trying to figure out what was wrong I had to leave the house. It didn't come back online until after midnight so I missed that one day- however I sent out a link from my iPhone to a global event that I was participating in so I still shipped.
After the 7-day challenge ended a group of people who had participated started a Facebook page and we all continue to ship every day. I feel like I have a group of new wonderful supportive friends and am part of a community that is amazingly powerful! I feel connected. I feel grateful. I feel like I am still riding the wave and I have had a huge shift in energy. I had been in transition in pretty much all areas of my life for the past 3 years and due to a number of circumstances had not really been putting my own sound healing work out there. This week I have led a community chanting group, I have almost completed my new flyer and I have shipped every day.
To my Your Turn Challenge group and to all my other friends, family and clients who believe in me and support me in my process, thank you!
In the words of Dr. Masaru Emoto, "I love you, I thank you, I respect you."
I was afraid to accept the challenge and didn't actually commit until about two days before it was scheduled to begin. Consistency is not my strong suit and I was afraid I would fail- which meant letting myself down. What actually happened was quite different- and exciting! A group of people accepted the challenge and every day thousands of blog posts were going up on Tumblr- so many that on the third day they actually crashed the site temporarily!
As I began writing every day and randomly reading other people's blog posts I began feeling surprisingly connected to this group. Somehow I thought I would be out there failing on my own! Haha- surprise! We had all made a commitment and we were going to all do it together in the same timeframe. We were joined in our intention. On one level it didn't matter what people were writing about- they were doing it. On another level, they were writing about what was important to them and so of course it mattered.
So there was this very powerful energy of being part of a group and suddenly I felt like I would be letting others down if I missed a day- not because I thought anyone was necessarily even reading what I wrote, but that simply we were all in this together! I felt like the group carried me, like I was riding a wave. It was fun to write every day. It was the first thing I thought of in the morning and I couldn't wait to see what was happening of everyone else. I wrote 7 entries in 7 days. And on the 8th day I wrote again! I have been writing every day since except three days ago when my computer was down and by the time I finished messing with it, trying to figure out what was wrong I had to leave the house. It didn't come back online until after midnight so I missed that one day- however I sent out a link from my iPhone to a global event that I was participating in so I still shipped.
After the 7-day challenge ended a group of people who had participated started a Facebook page and we all continue to ship every day. I feel like I have a group of new wonderful supportive friends and am part of a community that is amazingly powerful! I feel connected. I feel grateful. I feel like I am still riding the wave and I have had a huge shift in energy. I had been in transition in pretty much all areas of my life for the past 3 years and due to a number of circumstances had not really been putting my own sound healing work out there. This week I have led a community chanting group, I have almost completed my new flyer and I have shipped every day.
To my Your Turn Challenge group and to all my other friends, family and clients who believe in me and support me in my process, thank you!
In the words of Dr. Masaru Emoto, "I love you, I thank you, I respect you."
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| Water Crystal "Thank you" From Dr. Masaru Emoto's Hidden Messages From Water |
Be Large- In Thought, In Word, In Deed
I called the landlord and made an appointment to see it, thinking it was what the sign said- an office, one room. When I called him he told me the whole building was for rent- 6 rooms- a conference room, a small kitchenette, a large front room and 3 smaller rooms. I only needed one so I knew I would not be renting this place but I thought I should really get a feeling for what was available in my area so I went to see it and to meet him.
He and his wife, a lovely Peruvian couple, met me there. He was a retired doctor and she was a potter- of all things! Clearly we had a connection. I had not been in the building more than 2 minutes when I suddenly realized it would be the perfect place for a sound healing center- which I had not, up til that moment, had any thought about starting. It was all perfect- a front room for gatherings, groups, meditations, classes, three treatment rooms for other sound healing practitioners, a reception/waiting room area, a kitchenette which would be available to all practitioners and to students when we had classes and workshops, plus a good-sized office away from the other treatment rooms with its own entrance for me and my clients.
Up to this point I had always worked out of my home- first as a potter and then for another 10 years as a sound therapist so this was really a stretch for me. The vision was so strong though that I couldn't turn my back on it. I immediately shared with Elias and Maria, the owners, my inspiration and vision and they loved the idea. A while later I left them and got in my car to go back home and think it over. When I drove away I burst out crying- not because I was upset but because the the vision and the excitement was so strong that I knew I couldn't walk away from it. I had no idea how I would make it happen as I had no working capital at all but I knew I had to do it.
There was no decision to make- only a commitment driven by intention. Up to this point I had been very good at staying under the radar. If I wanted this business to succeed that was not going to be an option. I was going to have to step up to the plate.
A few days later I made an another appointment to meet with Elias as I knew I would need three months to get the space ready to open. I told him there were some things I needed to discuss with him before I could sign the lease. I made a list of requests of what I needed from him in order to be able to move forward- changing out the carpet in some or all of the rooms, negotiating on the first 3 months rent since I wouldn't be opening til January 15, spreading out the payments for the security deposit, etc., etc. I don't remember what all was on the list but there were several other things and I was very nervous about presenting this it to him. Elias agreed to meet me and if we were in agreement I could sign the lease at the same time.
The morning of our meeting I was so nervous! I told Henry, my live-in boyfriend/partner of many years, how I was feeling. He said, "Why? Are you afraid he'll say no?" I said, "No- I'm afraid he'll say yes...[more tears] and then I'll really have to be big. I won't be able to hide. I will have to totally put myself out there to make this thing work."
On October 15, 2004 Elias left me a key so that I could go to the building before him. I told him I wanted to just sit in the space and feel it for a while so that I could be really sure that this was the right thing. This was a huge process for me. I decided before I went to the meeting to take a walk on the beach and clear my head. I had my list (of what I perceived to be unreasonable requests) with me. On the way to the beach I kept going over "The List" in my mind, having imaginary conversations with him, what I would say and how he would answer ("no, no and no"). I knew on some level that even if he said no to everything I would somehow find a way to do it anyway- because I had to. It wasn't about what I wanted- to hide and play safe. It was about something much bigger than me. It was simply the next right thing to do- or as Seth Godin would say, it was my turn.
So... I'm driving to the beach, nervous, projecting, tearful and suddenly I see a marquee in front of the Pass-A-Grille Women's League that says:
BE LARGE
IN THOUGHT
IN WORD
IN DEED
Whoa- doubletake! Did I really just see that? If ever there was a message that was meant for me... that was just crazy! I never saw that sign before and I have never seen it since.
I drove to the beach with an even greater sense of purpose, took a long walk, went to the building, sat down on the floor and started another list that was entitled "If I were queen..." Then I went into each room and envisioned what it would become, how it would be painted, decorated and used and put it on the list. After an hour or so Elias showed up by which time I was thoroughly inspired. I told him what I had been doing since I had gotten there and he loved it.
What kind of a man was this who thought it was simply brilliant that I had made a list with such a title? He said it reminded him of the Knights of the Round Table. How or why I am not exactly sure but we had a wonderful meeting that ranged from the Arthurian legend to the physics of sound. Then we discussed my other list- the scary one- and yes, he agreed to everything. We signed the lease on October 15, 2004 and on January 15, 2005, one week after my 50th birthday I opened the Sound Body Wholistic Health Center.
I ran the center for the next seven years. Elias and Maria were my angels. They believed in me and supported me through thick and thin. Sometimes I joked with them asking if their wings were hidden underneath their clothes. I believe they were. A huge community grew out of and around the center. It was an oasis of sacred sound and healing for that period of time. I gained many dear friends, met some amazing practitioners and had the opportunity to share my knowledge and experience of the healing power of sound with a great many people.
When something is meant to be there is just no getting around it.
