Is It Raining With You?

It’s Tuesday morning. I’ve been awake since about 4 a.m. after a pretty intense week and a half- two of my sons in the hospital, one after the other- which has definitely thrown my sleep cycle way off. One of them has a bone disease and had some complications due to that. And the other has Crohn’s disease and had an intestinal blockage which thank goodness has passed without him having to have surgical intervention. It’s now about 6:30 a.m. and I am sitting in bed drinking very bulletproof coffee, listening to the rain come down outside my window. There is something that feels so healing about the sound of the rain- and even though it’s early and I am awake I feel like I could stay in bed all day and just bathe in the sound- soothing, cleansing and purifying. I have written a card to one of my cousins and read some lessons from A Course In Miracles.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about how I am going to restructure my business, mostly working on getting the sound worked out to be able to do more events on Zoom. I hope to have this done by the end of the week- in fact am thinking about doing a crystal bowl meditation on Zoom for the solstice as part of the Circle of Sound Global Harmonization Ceremony. I am doing a test later this morning with my sister. If all goes well I will follow up with invitations to the event.

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Oooh- hear comes the thunder! This is the first thunderstorm I have experienced since moving to the mountains of North Carolina. It is a different sound than when I lived in RI at basically sea level. I am living in a hollow in the mountains at an elevation of about 2000 feet. The sound seems more contained and in some way more resonant as it seems to be sort of held in the hollow where I am living rather than having an open space to spread out- as if it’s in sort of a container. Very interesting…

The Power of Intention

Whoops- I missed two days! I didn’t even think about writing a post yesterday or the day before which is kind of weird but so be it. I took on a series of challenges to start off the new year- which basically for me starts after January 8, since that is my birthday. I’m still in holiday festivity mode til it’s over.

That being said, on January 4 I started a 40-Day Kundalini Yoga Challenge through the Life-Force Academy. I also started a 5-day fast on January 9 which gently came to a close today with a bowl of wonderful sweet potato and beet soup I made. On January 7 I made a commitment to start a 3-week cleanse beginning January 11 offered by lovely wonderful bright spirit Sacha Jones of Stiggly Holistics- although waiting to begin til I finished my fast.

Now comes the interesting part- the third challenge. About four or five days ago I was missing my Course In Miracles connection and a video came up on my Facebook page of a woman named Cyndi Krupp doing a short live feed on A Course in Miracles. There are very few teachers of the Course that I listen to because I feel like everything is said in the book and what better teacher than Jesus? But for whatever reason I was drawn to it and I listened to her and absolutely loved her presentation. I heard her say something about something you could sign up for which I ignored - just listened to the video and really connected with her message. She said one thing so succinctly and perfectly that I wrote it down, “All pain is nothing other than being disconnected from the Truth.” Later the same day I was in my living room doing my Kundalini practice and sometime during my meditation I had the thought, “I want to do a 40-day retreat. Here, now, in my home. I have the time and I need to make good use of the opportunity.” It was just a thought that came and went but it stayed to some degree quietly in the background.

The next day I decided to see if Cyndi had another video up, which she did. And this time I heard her clearly say that a program was beginning the next day, January 11, called The 40 Day Program to Transformation with another Course in Miracles teacher, Lisa Natoli. She said it had changed her life, that she began to have a real understanding and direct experience of the teachings of the Course when she did the 40-Day Program the first time.

So on January 11 I started both the Stiggly cleanse and Lisa’s program. I’ve only been in for 3 days but they have been an amazing powerful 3 days. The second day, January 12 I had a bizarre healing event occur which I will not describe because it wasn’t pretty. I will simply say that it is an issue that has been with me for years and years and I have been actively addressing it for the past few months. I am sure that the combination of internal fasting and cleansing combined with the kundalini practice brought it to the surface to finally be healed.

I have a lot of things right now to attend to throughout my day, videos to listen to, stuff to read, journaling, meditation but it’s the perfect time to do it all and the 3 programs weave together absolutely perfectly. Example- part one of preparation for both the Stiggly cleanse and the 40-day transformational work involve cleaning and clearing one’s space- decluttering. And watching what I put into my body and what I put into my mind will be a constant for the next few weeks and hopefully will be a practice which becomes a habit. The yogis say it takes 40 days to break a habit and 40 days to create a new habit.

Also an interesting side note on fasting that came up. I had chosen to fast before I started Sacha’s cleansing program and actually continued it for a couple of days into the program. Lisa talks about fasting essentially from our old ways, our stories and our mistaken beliefs about ourselves ("I’m not good enough” etc.) and one of the things that stood out to me that I had never thought of before was the two meanings of the word “fast”. One is to abstain and the other is quick-moving or hurried and I suddenly realized that fasting gets you there quicker. I love words.

The Space of a Soul

I decided finally after so many days of wanting to write and so many days (okay, weeks) of not getting to it, that a short post is better than no post at all.

Yesterday afternoon/evening a group of us had a sweet gathering and send-off for our dear friend Shin Ae Tassia who departed this world on April 22, 2017. Her work as a "connector" continues as she brought more of us together still on this occasion, so many of us whom had not met before.

So much sweetness, so much heart. Worlds bumping up against each other, rubbing elbows. Artists, musicians, mechanics, social activists, healers and others- all extraordinary in their own unique ways. I am always astounded when a dear one passes how many lives they have in touched in so many different ways. And how we continue to get to know them long after they're gone.

A body doesn't take up that much physical space in the world but a soul? That's another matter. This thought is leading me down a windy river. A soul is like a miracle- and a soul is a miracle. I want to substitute the word "soul" right now in this sentence: A miracle is never lost. It may touch many people you have not even met, and produce undreamed of changes in situations of which you are not even aware. (A Course in Miracles- Text, 45th Principle of Miracles)

And the curious question that is sometimes asked about people "What are they worth?" Wow! Obviously meant on the most material mundane level... but what an odd question. How do you determine the value of a human, the value of a life, the value of a soul? Soul currency... There's something to think about.

The night before last I did a Sound Journey for some of Shin Ae's closest friends, highlighting her favorite instruments, the gongs and Himalayan bowls. Last night I put it on when I got in bed. It must have been dreamy because I fell asleep within about 5 minutes. I slept deeply, woke up 5 hours later fully refreshed and restored, unfortunately forgetting my dreams within minutes of waking; nonetheless with a heart full of gratitude for the sweetness of this life and the continuity of it all.

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God I AM

This morning I saw a post from my friend, sound healer and yogini Alessandra Montana, which spoke of the power of mantra and read "I am Divine Love." I was reminded of a dream/vision I had some years ago when I was reading Gary Renard's book The Disappearance of the Universe. I was told at the time, in these exact words "Remember only this: God I AM Divine Love."

There are times it is easy to remember- and there are times it is easy to forget. Lately I have been forgetting a lot. I had a series of pretty major day-to-day issues in the beginning of this month that I needed to deal with and resolve which threw me a bit- all of which had a specific deadline which happened to be the same day for each. I don't tend to be an anxious person but I literally found myself having frequent heart palpitations and taking a lot of Rescue Remedy!

And now we have the upcoming election- sounds ridiculous, right? When we are talking about Truth and Divinity... but on the mundane level these things (and this one in particular) become so big and so highly charged and I have found myself so distracted and reactive- and not liking the way I feel at all. On top of it, I have actually gone on the computer to write in this blog several times in the last few weeks and suddenly found myself totally derailed by the emotional environment surrounding the current issues.

So I was very grateful for this morning's reminder. I have been working on sort of an experiment lately which relates to all of this, but having minimal success with my commitment. It began after reading Patti Smith's book M Train which blew me away. I felt, after reading her book, that she is someone who lives and is guided by her inspiration. She simply does the things that inspire her, whether it's buying a ramshackle cottage on the beach in Rockaway or sweeping and planting flowers at the grave of Haruki Murakami or one of her other beloved authors, philosophers, musicians or daydreamers. I loved that this is how she lives and was so touched by it that I decided to begin my own Inspiration Experiment and do at least one thing every day that inspires me. (Inspire (v.) in Middle English also was used to mean "breath or put life or spirit into the human body; impart reason to a human soul." ~Etymology Online~)

The truth is that this is how I try to live my life. I do work that I love and I have a radical gratitude practice but even with that... I forget. I just plain forget and I am off trumpeting against Trump, railing against divisiveness and inequality... but when I am railing AGAINST, what am I doing? Am I in gratitude? Am I in appreciation? Am I in remembrance and commitment to the truth? No. Really, no. I am in just plain old forgetfulness. So I will thank Trump and the Trumpeteers for reminding me to remember- that all the attack I perceive around me comes from MY MIND and when I remember to change my mind the world around me changes.

"True learning is constant, and so vital in its power for change that a Son of God can recognize his power in one instant and change the world in the next. That is because, by changing his mind, he has changed the most powerful device that was ever given him for change." (A Course in Miracles, Text, Chapter 7, Paragraph 7)

Doubt, Guilt and the Benefit of Confidence (inspired by Seth Godin)

I was going through some old emails and I came across a very thought-provoking blog post by Seth Godin, dated June 28, which I had saved but not yet read, and it inspired me to write.

The benefit of the doubt


Doubt is corrosive.

Someone faced with doubt rarely brings her best self to the table. Doubt undermines confidence, it casts aspersions, it assumes untruths.

Yes, of course you need to qualify your leads. And yes, we know that you need to protect against risk and to not waste your time.

But... if you're going to spend five minutes or five hours with someone, what happens if you begin with, "the benefit of confidence" instead? What if you begin by believing, by seeking to understand, by rooting for the other person to share their best stories, their vision and their hopes?

Perhaps you can manipulate someone by scowling, by negging, by putting on airs. But if you do that, you end up with people who have been manipulated, who are wounded and not ready to soar.

The problem with qualifying leads is that all the obvious ones are already taken.

The challenge with assuming that someone is completely imperfect is that you'll almost certainly be right. 

There's plenty of room for doubt later, isn't there?

I love this. "The benefit of confidence." Of course... we see what we want to see- or, we see what we believe. It may not be what we think we want to see and of course we are constantly projecting. We see others ultimately as we see ourselves or the parts of ourselves we choose to deny and disown. I'd much rather see that needy aspect in someone else than to own it! But, what if that neediness is just a mistaken belief about myself? And what if I let go of the all the doubts I have about myself and about all the supposed "ugliness" that I am constantly trying to hide? What if I made it all up? Can I change my mind and reveal my hidden (and deeply rooted) beliefs about myself?  Can I make a deliberate choice on how I see another rather than simply casting out the old projections and assumptions? When I approach another with the "benefit of the doubt", how am I approaching myself? Can I approach myself with the "benefit of confidence"?

This is a powerful possibility for healing our minds on a very deep level.

A few days ago something came across the internet while I was online- a website where you can find out all kinds of personal information about pretty much anyone. The suggestion by a few people who had done it was to put in your own name so you can see how much information is really out there about you. So I did. It took quite a while. It kept running through more and more information searching for different addresses, criminal records, financial records, etc., etc. I watched my level of anxiety rise. What would they find out about me? What awful things have I done or gotten in trouble for that I have forgotten about? What things am I being accused of that I didn't do? What terrible things are people that I don't even know thinking, believing about me?

It ran through the whole program- which took quite a while- and when it got to the end I was informed that I could now access the file for the mere sum of $27.95. Should I go for it, after hanging out for an hour waiting for it to finish doing its thing and unearthing every scrap of dirt about me? Yes, because there is bound to be something awful in there and I need to know what it is. Yes, Paypal. Boom.

There was nothing there. A few old addresses where I had lived over the past 30 years (and one where I hadn't lived- the address of my mother's lawyer). My educational background- not much information there!

What I did discover was my own deeply rooted belief that I must be guilty even if I don't know/remember what terrible sins I have committed. So, this turned out to be an incredibly powerful and revealing process for me. I saw a depth of fear and belief in my own guilt that I was not consciously aware of up to that point.

A Course in Miracles tells us, “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him you will see yourself. As you treat him you will treat yourself. As you think of him you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. Whenever two Sons of God meet they are given another chance at salvation. Do not leave anyone without giving salvation to him and receiving it yourself. For I am always there with you, in remembrance of you.”

Over the past twenty plus years as a sound healing practitioner, I have played this song many hundreds of times for people who were moving through their own personal doubts and challenges. I guess I need to listen to it again myself... deeply. 

                                

Visioning With Sound


Today I was inspired to create a workshop to usher in the new year- Sacred Sound & Visions for New Year. It is completely last minute. Today is Tuesday. The workshop is Saturday. The 11th hour, as they say... but it was one of those ideas that grabbed hold of me and wouldn't let me go. In my experience those are the ones that generally manifest the most magnificently! (You will find a description of the workshop and the link to sign up if you click here.)

The vision that came to me around the workshop is to begin by offering a healing sound meditation- a circle of sacred sound if you will. That will be the vehicle for people to journey and see what arises in their consciousness- a vision quest of sorts. Sound is the carrier wave for intention. That is why it has been used in healing ceremonies and rituals for so many thousands of years.

Once the intentions have been set the participants will create vision boards to affirm and reinforce their intentions, putting into concrete form images that represent, ultimately, not just what they want or where they would like to travel or the new car of their dreams, but how they want to feel.

One of my favorite passages in A Course in Miracles comes under the heading "Setting the Goal" in Chapter 17. One of the things I love most about it is the point that in all things the ultimate goal should be truth.

"The value of deciding in advance what you want to happen is simply that you will perceive the situation as a means to make it happen. You will therefore make every effort to overlook what interferes with the accomplishment of your objective, and concentrate on everything that helps you meet it. It is quite noticeable that this approach has brought you closer to the Holy Spirit's sorting out of truth and falsity. The true becomes what can be used to meet the goal. The false becomes the useless from this point of view. The situation now has meaning, but only because the goal has made it meaningful.
5 "The goal of truth has further practical advantages. If the situation is used for truth and sanity, its outcome must be peace. And this is quite apart from what the outcome is. If peace is the condition of truth and sanity, and cannot be without them, where peace is they must be. Truth comes of itself. If you experience peace, it is because the truth has come to you and you will see the outcome truly, for deception cannot prevail against you. You will recognize the outcome because you are at peace. Here again you see the opposite of the ego's way of looking, for the ego believes the situation brings the experience. The Holy Spirit knows that the situation is as the goal determines it, and is experienced according to the goal."

I Want the Peace of God


"I want the peace of God." ~Lesson 185,  A Course In Miracles, Workbook

Today is the 50th anniversary of the beginning of Helen Schucman's 7 year process of scribing A Course in Miracles.  

Sadly, I do not know how to embed this video, so click here. It is an amazing video of author and musician James Twyman meeting with the Wooten brothers working on music for his new film A Chorus in Miracles. About 8 years ago I read Victor Wooten's amazing book The Music Lesson. I was captivated by it. Clearly he was an exceptionally spiritual guy and aspects of the course came shining through but I had no idea until tonight that he actually has been a student of the course since he was 16 years old.

"This is a course in miracles. It is a required course. Only the time you take it is voluntary. Free will does not mean that you can establish the curriculum. It means only that you can elect what you want to take at a given time. The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim however at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence, which is your natural inheritance. The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no oppostie. This course can therefore be summed up very simply in this way:

Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God."
                                  ~Introduction, A Course in Miracles, Text~







 

Nothing Real Can Be Threatened

Finally I have my computer up and running again!

The follow-up to the "Mum Dream" has been powerful- tears of joy as I have felt the palpable sense of the presence of her personality fade and an overwhelming love take its place. I keep thinking of the last few lines of the introduction to A Course in Miracles. "The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no opposite. This course can therefore be summed up very simply in this way: 'Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.'"
Ever since I took the money workshop in Holland a lot has been happening. Last week I wrote about being at the Rhode Island Cancer Summit. It felt like there was a big opening there. As a follow-up to that, today I got an email saying that the writer for Women & Infants Hospital wants to talk to me because they want to do an article on sound therapy. Meanwhile tomorrow I am teaching a class on sound healing to a group of high school students who are taking an intensive on Sustainable Healing Modalities. I am really looking forward to that. I have loaded the car up with all kinds of fun and interesting instruments from around the world. I suddenly have many more people calling for sessions and someone who wants to apprentice with me coming in a couple of weeks.

 A few weeks ago I was looking at some old material from the sound healing center I had in Florida- notepads, appointment books, calendars, etc. I was so busy every day, meeting with people, giving sessions, doing concerts, sound journeys, hosting events, teaching workshops, etc. and I thought "This is how it's supposed to be." I have been wondering how to make that happen here, knowing it would have to take a different form and curious about what it might look like. Suddenly it all seems to be taking shape and evolving in a very organic way. It feels good.

Late Night Update From Amsterdam



I started off the day today doing a sound healing meditation for Jane and Paul's Course in Miracles group at their home. After that I took a train in to Amsterdam to meet a friend at the Van Gogh Museum. Afterward we saw this guy sitting in the park playing the didgeridoo. He was a good player and it was such a nice grounding sound after the museum experience.

Yesterday Jane and I visited the Royal Delft Museum and factory. It was so wonderful. When I was about 6 years old a friend of my mother's gave me a small blue and white ceramic windmill. I loved it and my mother told me then about Delft and the famous white and blue pottery. I was a potter for many years myself before I became a sound healer so it was somewhere I have always wanted to go. I loved it! Lots of the structure itself is actually made from building ceramics with beautiful earthy glazes of browns and greens. 















Whiplash (When Making Music Isn't Fun Anymore)

Just got back from seeing the movie Whiplash. Pretty rough. Brilliant acting, excellent music.  I hadn't heard of it til I watched the Academy Awards a few nights ago and knew I had to see it. JK Simmons is an amazing actor. I have only seen him in roles where he was loving, kind, gentle, sad- all the sweetest sides of being human. In this film he is utterly abusive, cruel, shaming and humiliating his students, ostensibly to push them toward manifesting their potential for greatness, if it is indeed there. The obvious question, does the end justify the means?

I have strong opinions about that due to my own past history. I once lived with a man with that type of personality- a rage-aholic and perfectionist to an extreme. He was the symptom for my self-loathing at that time in my life. It did not make for a happy household and I think took years for my sons to get over (think This Boy's Life)- in truth I think that it's nothing short of a miracle that they have turned out as amazing and functional and healthy as they have. They certainly had their work cut for them.

As for me, I eventually bottomed out on self-abuse (which is really how I see that relationship) and with a lot of work and commitment to myself, initially through the 12 Steps, then (and now) A Course in Miracles and a lot of transformational sound healing work I learned to forgive myself and eventually to love myself.

The gifts that came from that journey are that today I have a wonderful loving open relationships with each of my sons and that my understanding of low self-worth, lack of empowerment, and issues with addiction and codependence have made me a very sensitive healer. In my work, the most powerful thing I can offer to anyone is a safe space where they feel nurtured and free to be the fullest manifestation of who they are for the period of time that they are on the table- whether it is happy, sad, vulnerable, hurting... whatever. The sound and music assist in creating that space but ultimately the task lies with me and the space and intention that I hold and that the client and I co-create together.

So there were gifts. Do I think that justifies how those gifts were realized? Although I am grateful for who I am and where I am today both inwardly and outwardly, no, most definitely not. I think we in the modern Western world for the most part live in an extremely dysfunctional society. There are cultures where people have been raised with love and kindness from start to finish. That is the norm and they produce kind and loving people and I'm sure that their gifts for art, science, music, healing- whatever they may be- flourish in environment where they are nurtured and given permission to flourish.

My friend and master drummer from Senegal, Papa Malick Faye, told us when he was teaching drumming at the center how in his culture when a person has some kind of an emotional or mental break that all the drummers and dancers in the village go to that person's house and they drum for him or her and the women dance for 7 days and 7 nights. After the 7 days the person "has his mind back". There are very specific rhythms for all of the different issues that confront the people and also rhythms for every other event. When Malick was a little boy and was sent to the store, if he took too long his father would drum to let him know it was time to come home. When a person died in the village it was through drumming that they sent the message to all the people. I learned an African lullabye from a village where whenever a child is born the mother composes a lullabye for the child and then teaches it to all the people in the village in case something happens to her or she has to go away, so that no matter who is with the child it will feel safe and comforted.

Not My Truth

I was looking for some inspiration regarding what to write about tonight so I went to Facebook to see what was happening today on the Your Turn Challenge page. There are always so many inspiring posts. I never got that far because as soon as I opened Facebook this post came across my screen and I felt compelled to respond.
I found myself so strongly disagreeing with the text on this picture. I know it's supposed to be inspirational but right from the first sentence the core of my being said "No, this is wrong." Usually I post something about music or sound healing but this really stopped me in my tracks.

Love and you will always be loved in return for you are love. Give and you will receive, because that is the law of the universe. ("To give and to receive are one in truth." Lesson 108, ACIM) When you offer help to another, it will come back to you. Nothing is ever taken away from you when you love, give, trust, forgive, or pray for others. When you give, you are you are giving to yourself as much as to the other person because the nature of love is expansive and all-encompassing. You cannot be left out of the equation! You can never subtract anything from yourself or make yourself "less" by giving to others. "All that I give is given to myself." (Lesson 126, ACIM).

We may not recognize the form in which our love, our prayers, our generosity comes back to us and it may not come back according to our "timeline". It may come back in the form of unseen unrecognized miracles. According to A Course in Miracles, "A miracle is never lost. It may touch many people you have not even met, and produce undreamed of changes in situations of which you are not even aware." (Chapter 1, Text, #45 from the Principles of Miracles)

This is so important to remember as a healer. We need, always, to let go of our agenda and any perception of what we think "healing" should look like. We really have no idea what that might be for the other person and we must always trust that our intentions for the highest good will serve exactly that purpose.

Love, give, help, trust, pray, forgive and DON'T BE AFRAID! The one sentence I agreed with "NEVER EVER NEVER let anyone else stop you from being YOU." All of your goodness, all of your love, all of your prayers will come back to you in more ways than you could ever imagine or dream!

Okay, I rest my case!