What Is Home?

I am sitting in a thatch roofed house in the Netherlands overlooking fields, farms and a river. The sun is trying to break through the clouds and I am trying to catch up on a few things before I go out for a walk. I only have 3 days left here. It has flown by and I am sad to be leaving. It’s hard to go “home” to a place that doesn’t really feel like home. I do my best when I am there to make it as homey as possible, but living where I don’t really have a strong sense of community, family and familiarity is challenging. It’s interesting and surprising to be in an entirely different country where I don’t speak the language and feel more at home here!

I’ve had a strong feeling lately that my general sense of discomfort is in fact for my own growth and I work with it… but sometimes it’s harder than others. When I am connecting with people, with nature, with sound and music, it’s all pretty easy and I feel at home wherever I am- but when I attach to a fixed idea of what this is, ie what I would prefer… this idea of comfort or connection- it becomes a lot more challenging, and some days I’m just more vulnerable or sensitive to it all than other days. I read something a few days ago in Paul Selig’s most recent book, A World Made New, and this passage jumped out at me: “What expires in the Upper Room is what you needed at a low level of vibration. What is released at this level are the very things that gave you a sense of identity or comfort in the lower vibrational field. This is only challenging as you attach to them.” (p. 165) I think that says it all.

Sound Traveling

Years ago when I was living in Florida, I was on the phone with a friend and making plans to go up to New York to teach a workshop and do some private sessions. She was very surprised that I was willing to drive up there and I said without even thinking about it, “Of course! I’m the traveling soundweaver!”I was almost as surprised as she was to hear those words come out of my mouth but it marked the beginning of a new way of thinking about my work and also became the name of my vibroacoustic environment, which consists of a vibroacoustic mattress with speakers built into it on top of a massage table, surrounded by a copper dodecahedron.

There are many ways to travel on the vibrations of sound. With vibroacoustic therapy the frequencies of the music are moving through the body and quickly facilitating a state of deep relaxation. The movement of sound through the mat can actually create a feeling as though the body itself is undulating as the sound waves move through the body.

Sound immersion through healing sound journeys, sound baths or sessions with Himalayan singing bowls placed around the body create a very different and oftentimes equally as powerful a response, as the layering of sound produces overtones which have a powerful effect on the subtle energy fields. The combinations of intervals can also create binaural beats which entrain the brainwaves typically to a deep alpha or theta state, promoting spontaneous inner visions, clarity on core issues and often a deep meditative state.

Self-generated sound- singing, toning, humming, chanting- is a world unto itself which we all have immeditae access. I leave that one open for you to play with. Some suggestions: make an elongated sound with your mouth open. Now with your mouth closed. How is it different? Try humming and sending the sound to different parts of the body. Sing your favorite song- or your favorite childhood song letting go of any judgment around how you think it should sound. Just be like a child and let it out! How does that feel?

How Fast the Time Flies

The day went by so fast! All I can think of is this song as I try to grab the tail end of the day and post something so very short that reflects the movement of the day. When it came out I had no idea of their connection to the Baha’i faith. Really very lovely to revisit this sweet sweet song along with Johnny Carson!

Wonder-Fullfillingness Wednesday! And the Music Of My Life...

This song has been creeping through my consciousness for the past two days… couldn’t get it out of my head so I decided to put it up here. Maybe it will haunt you too- in the best way possible! There’s a little more of Stevie, who had his first hit “Fingertips”when he was only 13, when you scroll down the page. I remember this song but not as well as “I Was Made To Love Her”. I was 12 when that song came out in 1967 and fell in love with it. It remains one of my favorite songs.

I know if you were to go back through this blog you would find so many of my “favorite songs”… but really music saved me… over and over throughout my life and continues to save me on a daily basis. And the feeling that comes up when I hear these songs from my past tells me that my core has not changed. Like everyone, I’ve gone through countless life experiences- traumas, love, loss, childbirth, motherhood- you name it- and still I am the same. Maybe less afraid, more outgoing, more scars, more awareness, but my essence- that which makes me Rosie- is exactly the same as it was when I was an infant, a child, a teen, a lost 20-something year old, a young mother, and now an older and hopefully slightly wiser person. I am aware of it when I walk on the beach. I flash back to the little girl walking on the beach holding my mother’s hand or walking with my sisters and I am that person. And I am aware of it when I listen to music that I love- the music that has been a revelation to me. Music helps me to remember who I am and connect with my essence.

I’m the same person I was when I first heard Stevie’s album “Fullfillingness First Finale” and had my mind blown, yet again, by his music.

In this moment I just decided I don’t want a funeral when I go. I never really did but it just got clear. I want my life celebrated with music.

Getting In Tune

Okay, really- I was actually thinking about tuning forks! It’s just that 90% of any little grouping of words reminds me of some song from my past… and all that is past is part of my present, part of the person I am today. As Greg Brown said, “There is no time. That’s why I missed my plane.” If you don’t believe me, listen to this sweet song!

Okay… let me get to my point. Tuning forks, tuning the brain. This is all I want to say. Brain tuners are brilliant, creating a binaural beat and quickly entraining one’s brainwaves to the state that is most helpful for where you find yourself in the moment and where you would like to be. For me, I tend to either go for delta tuners to help me sleep, or beta tuners to help me get organized. In fact, I used them just before I sat down here to write. I used them once earlier today as well when I wanted to get some stuff done around the house but was having a hard time focusing. As I listened to the two tones, one tuning fork at each ear, a microtone apart, just enough to create a standing wave somewhere between 13 and 20 hz (cycles per second), I felt my energy and awareness shift. My head literally cleared as if there had been a light fog that lifted. My awareness of the space around me was suddenly acute and I thought, “I just used these for ten seconds and turned into a scientist.” Kind of joking… but not. They absolutely activated a different area of my brain, the part that is highly curious and analytical.

Later today, as I said, I used them again- just a little while ago. Hours had gone by. I had spent some time doing errands, cooking (creatively- I decided to try my hand at homemade tofu!), and doing some other household tasks. I had been looking at videos for a while, studying some crocheting techniques for a project and my vision had been sort of locked into looking at things close up. I hadn’t looked at the sky in a while or out the windows at the birds- it was focused just a few feet in front of me, at most, for easily a couple of hours between reading recipes, cooking and then watching videos on my phone.

When I used the brain tuners, standing in my living room, suddenly my vision opened up and I saw the beautiful amaryllis across the room on the far side of my dining room. There was a vibrance and a clarity of vision as well as a clarity of intention and direction.

Brain Tuners are among the many excellent sets of tuning forks created by John Beaulieu, one of my favorite teachers and available right here. I cannot recommend them highly enough.

Thank you Dr. Beaulieu for all your wonderful teaching and your great humour!

Music Is Medicine

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. In 2006 I had a head injury. A huge PA speaker that had steadily vibrated over the years from the very loud music that came through it, slowly moved on the shelf it where it was perched, until it fell from about 3 feet above my head, where I happened to be dancing that night. It swung from the cable and slammed me in my right temple. By some miracle and a lot of healing over the following months (sound as well as other modalities), I recovered from the injury. That’s not the point of this story. There was a particularly exciting moment for me about a week after the injury when I got an MRI and saw the image of my brain. My brain! It felt like when Peter Pan saw his shadow- “My shadow! My very own shadow!” Really quite thrilling.

11 months later I was looking through the Arts & Leisure section of the New York Times and, lo and behold, there was a full page image of various brain scans taken while people were listening to music and an article about the researcher, Daniel Levitin. It grabbed me partly because I had not so long ago seen a scan of my own brain after a quite serious injury, and still more so because of the particular topic which is of course my passion! He had just published a book called This Is Your Brain On Music which, to this day, remains one of my favorite books on the effects of music on the brain. Levitin is a musician himself and had a career as a music producer, where he developed a fascination with how certain people (in this case, music producers) are able to discern extremely fine gradations of sound and music. That was the beginning. Click here to read the full article. The picture at the top of the page is the original copy which I still have in my files.

Long story short and fast forward, I just found out today that this year he has published a new book- I Heard There Was A Secret Chord. I was excited and delighted and ended up listening to about 3 hours worth of videos with him and ordered the book for myself and as a Christmas present for a loved one. Here is a wonderful video, so well worth listening to if you are an avid sound and music lover- and possibly a frequency nerd as well! Carlos Reyes is extraordinary. When he picked up his violin and started playing his first piece, I was in tears at the first two notes- one of the points that Levitin and Reyes make during their talk that I think just about everyone can relate to- the power of music to profoundly affect the emotional body, sometimes creating gentle waves, sometimes rougher waters, but ultimately bringing us to a resolution.

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

I’m sitting at the kitchen table in my son’s house in Minneapolis where I spent Thanksgiving. I was supposed to leave today (written Tuesday, Dec. 3 then put on pause…) and head back home to North Carolina, tearing myself away from my two almost 3-year old identical twin granddaughters, Ruby and Wren. I was actually in line at the gate just getting ready to board when my son Moose texted me and said, “Wren just woke up and said so earnestly, ‘I HOPE Mimi comes back,’” and asked if there was any chance to change my ticket. Well, how could I resist that? Especially when it turned out it was only $50 to make the change! So now I’m here for another 5 days and so very happy!

Sometimes “divine order” isn’t so evident. Today everything worked out in my favor- even the fact that my bag hadn’t been put on the plane yet and I was able to retrieve it a short time later in baggage claim.

When I got back to my son’s house I opened my computer and saw a bunch of comments on the movie “Will and Harper”, which I loved so much that I watched it twice in one week- some of them open, warm, compassionate and others snarky, hate-filled, homophobic and transphobic. I don’t know why and attack this always shocks me. The older I get the more I am completely baffled by the level of fear in our world. All I could think was the line “People are the same wherever we go…” from the song that Paul McCartney did originally with Michael Jackson and later with Stevie Wonder- “Ebony and Ivory”.

I understand less and less. Thinking about war, genocide… killing that has gone on throughout history., throughout so-called “civilization”. (Not civilized!) When I was younger it seemed that it was somehow rationalized (not by me) by looking at the history and circumstances leading up to it. Maybe I’m getting a little too philosophical here but I just don’t get it. And maybe this isn’t the pretty stuff I should be writing about when this is supposed to be a blog about healing… but what needs to be healed more than the mind- individual and collective- that believes in and sees separation, division and “otherness”?

What Lies Beneath

[Note: I began this writing on Sept. 6. Finally got back to it. Today is October 18.]
This morning before I got up I listened to this meditation by Rupert Spira. In it he compares the fluctuations of the mind to the ripples and currents in the ocean and talks about how, as you go down deeper and deeper beneath the surface, the ocean becomes more and more still.

In 2006 I had a pretty serious head injury. A heavy speaker fell off a shelf and swung from the cable hitting me square in my right temporal lobe. The injury came with a gift. About a week after the injury I began having shirodhara treatments from an angel, Denise O’Dunn, whose Ayurvedic treatments put me on the path to recovery. (For more on Denise O’Dunn and her Ayurvedic treatments click here.) I received seven consecutive days of shirodhara, a beautiful modality which is one of the primary treatments for traumatic brain injury in the ancient Indian system of Ayurvedic medicine.

When we began I was in a great deal of pain and it literally hurt my brain to think. If I tried to speak I would stop after a few words because it was too painful. The thoughts were there but it was too strenuous to actually attempt to elucidate them, so I would just let them go. The result of this was that the first few weeks after the injury I experienced being totally in the moment, because that was a place within which I could rest. If I was having a cup of tea, I was simply having a cup of tea. I was fully present because it was simply to painful to be anywhere else. It was an incredible gift.

About 3 or 4 days into the treatment, as I was lying on Denise’s massage table having warm medicated oil poured onto my forehead, a thought came into my mind. In that moment, as I became aware of the thought, I had an image of water striders, the small insects that skim across the surface of water. I would often see them in our swimming pool as a kid and was fascinated by them. The awareness that accompanied the image was that the water strider was the thought, floating on the surface of a pool of water, and I could either follow the thought or I could dive down below the surface and remain in stillness. For weeks afterward I was able to simply choose presence, stillness. Initially it was a necessity. It became a choice. As time passed and the acute injury subsided the more my chattery mind returned, but the experience, knowing that place of quiet, is something that has never left and the memory of it still allows me to occasionally drop in there with relative ease.

What is Courage?

I was driving through Long Island today and had such an interesting experience. I was going to a very high-end spa that had a collection of my singing bowls there on consignment. They hadn’t sold any in a long time and hadn’t kept a good record of what they had sold, so I was going there to see what bowls they had left and get it all straightened out.

So, I was driving along and began feeling very strongly that this was a place I did not belong, that I was an outsider. I was quite overcome with the sensation and I also became aware of the familiarity of it, going all the way back to the terror of my first day of kindergarten and all the years in elementary school when I didn’t “fit in”. I thought about how much fear I had had growing up and all the things I didn’t do because I was too afraid- that I would be laughed at, that I would fail. Not applying for art school, A) because if I did a portfolio they would see that I couldn’t draw and B) because I was afraid to get on a plane to fly wherever I might have to go to visit. Blindly diving into relationships because I was afraid of being alone, relationships which were doomed from the start because they were only a reflection of my own codependence and fear.

Drinking and drugging actually helped me plow through some of those fears at times in my life- but of course they had unfortunate and disastrous effects in other ways as I then threw all caution to the wind. But my early life was pretty much ruled by my fears. Every decision I made, or didn’t make, was born out of fear for a very long time.

I’ve thought a lot about this lately because I did eventually come to find my power. I came to find my center. I found much of my inner strength and connection through sound healing practices that I have discovered along the way- particularly those that helped me to access my voice. I also have made choices in more recent years that caused me ultimately to be alone. It hit me recently that one of the gifts of that, unbeknownst to me at the time, was that I learned that I could move forward and be strong and creative and successful on my own- that I was actually quite capable of taking care of myself.

Today my experience of myself is that I am a strong and powerful person and I love who I see when I look in the mirror. When I am unsure on some level, I am able to ask for help and not hide my fear or doubts. It hit me today that courage is not something we are necessarily born with. I certainly wasn’t. I think I have always believed that courage was an innate quality in certain more fortunate people. But today I realized that real courage is being able to accept and acknowledge our fears and to keep moving forward in spite of them, not to be held hostage by them.

Tears That Are Unspoken Words

Two years ago my older brother Tim passed away due to Covid. He was 7 years older than me and when we were younger- much younger- he opened me up to a world of great music. We might be at our father’s house in Newport or I might have been up at Tim’s house in Vermont where he lived with a group of friends- a sort of “hippie house”- and I would suddenly hear his voice. “Hey Rosie, come here! You gotta hear this!” He actually never played a single piece of music for me that I didn’t like, in fact generally that I didn’t love. Dave Mason’s album “Alone Together” was one of them- every track on it being excellent. He loved it and I immediately fell in love with it. Since that day, more than 50 years ago, I have listened to it hundreds of times. It is one of my all-time favorite albums. I know every word and every note on that album. (I have gone through two copies of the vinyl- because the first one got so worn out and now have it on CD.)

A few years ago I decided I wanted to learn to play the song “Sad and Deep As You” on my guitar. It’s one of those songs that you can just sit and play and sing over and over and never tire of it. Just a sweet, sad, beautiful song. Four years ago I put everything in storage and left the country for a while. Due to the pandemic I ended up relocating and much of my stuff has stayed in storage. Yesterday I was unpacking a box from a load of stuff I had brought down from RI last week and there was a little pile of papers in the bottom of the box- songs that I had printed out a few years ago, and that song was among them.

I was feeling good, with warm memories, just singing and getting into the sweet groove of the song and suddenly the memory hit me… of Tim turning me on to that album, sitting on the bed with him just completely knocked out by the music- all of the songs, the words, the nuances and that wonderful shared experience… and I was weeping.

And there was the last verse:
Tears that are unspoken words
Tears that are the truth
Tears that tell a story
As sad and deep as you…

So, I sat and cried- wept- and then I started singing it again… and again… and again…

Grateful for memories.
Grateful for the ability to feel deeply.

Distance Is No Object

It’s late but I have a little story I want to share. I have been in Rhode Island for about a week. I wasn’t planning to do any sessions while I was up here because I already have a lot going on, but I had a friend who was in crisis so I agreed to give her a session. We had it scheduled for today but at the last minute, at the end of the day yesterday, it turned out that it wasn’t going to work out. I talked with her on the phone and gave her my best motivational inspirational pep talk, reminding her that she had done a lot of work and had plenty of tools and she just needed to get through one day- today, which meant for her a very stressful court date- and then she could come to the group sound healing session I have scheduled for tomorrow. Once there she could breathe, exhale and release all that she has had going on. I told her that in the meantime I would give her a long distant healing session. Even at the suggestion I could feel her appreciation and relief.

I decided to do it this morning when I woke up a little before 7. I texted her at precisely 6:57 and told her I was about to play one of my sound journeys and send her long distant healing. I attached the sound journey to the text via Dropbox and told her that whenever she had the chance, preferably this morning, she should simply relax and listen to the sound journey and take it in. I lay in bed for a full hour giving myself a treatment with the Radiance Technique, all the while connecting with her energy and very consciously sending healing to her as well. At 9:45 I received this message from her: “Thank you so much. I woke at 7am with lots of anxiety, and strangely fell back asleep until 8:30… then saw your message which now makes sense why I likely dozed off… and then listened to the recording. My body feels relaxed, both were well received and I thank you so very much. Amazing, truly amazing.” I replied that I am still always blown away by how well this stuff works! She said, “Oh my goodness, me too! My first experience like this and I’m a believer, thank you so much Rosie.”

Speaking of breathing, here is a sweet song by an old and dear friend, LeRoy White, who passed away a little over 3 years ago. He was beloved by many and lived his life to uplift others with his music and incredible generosity of spirit.

Remember When...

I’m sitting outside on my porch eating the most delicious grapefruit- it has the most subtle floral flavor to it. I don’t think I’ve ever had one like it. Whenever I eat grapefruit I think of my father. When I was young he lived in Nassau, most of the time on his boat, the Black Pearl- but he had plenty of friends and lovers down there so I’m sure there were other places he stayed when he was by himself. When we visited though, we were either on the boat or at the Lyford Cay Club- and once in Eleuthera at his friend Max Aiken’s house, which for me, was a very special time. But before I digress… one day Dad took me to some country club or golf course for breakfast- just him and me, which was rare and exciting. In fact I don’t have any other memories of doing anything else alone with him throughout my entire childhood. Maybe that’s part of what made it so memorable. Anyway, he ordered a grapefruit for me sprinkled with brown sugar and a maraschino cherry in the middle. I thought it was the best thing I ever tasted in that moment! It was such a wonderful treat and every time I eat grapefruits I think of him and that special few hours we spent together.

Now, how do I turn this into a musical post? Because there was music in Nassau! There was Blind Blake and on Saturday nights there was a buffet at the Lyford Cay Club and Blind Blake would play. I was only 7 years old but I loved his music. I was also painfully shy and whenever we went to see him I wanted to hear “Jamaica Farewell”- which of course I called “Down the way where the nights are gay”. It was my favorite song. I would ask Dad to ask him to play it. But instead he would tell me to go up and ask him myself- in front of all those people who were dining and dancing! I was terrified. But every time I requested a song- maybe that was the only one- he would have me come up and sit on his lap and have me tell him what I wanted to hear. He was so sweet and I was so totally embarassed but thrilled at the same time. I couldn’t find that version of his song but here is another by him. I like the video because it has a number of pictures of him. I also found this short but interesting article which I am reposting from the Grand Bahama Museum website:

Father of Bahamian Music
Mar. 31, 2022

Blake Alphonso Higgs (1915 – 1986), better known as "Blind Blake", is considered the Father of Bahamian Music. Born in Matthew Town, Inagua, Higgs was blind from boyhood. Over his lifetime he wrote sixty goombay tunes and recorded four albums. He spent most of his career performing at the Royal Victoria Hotel in Nassau. In his later years, the Government hired him to entertain tourists at the International Airport.

In keeping with goombay tradition the themes of Higgs’ songs do not have profound social messages but tell a story or recount a specific event. One of his most famous songs, "Little Nassau/Peas and Rice", was written during Prohibition. The medley details the easy access to alcohol in Nassau but complains of the Bahamian frustration with a diet of peas and rice.

Click here to listen to "Peas and Rice".

His ballad "Run Come See Jerusalem" describes the1929 Bahamas Hurricane.

Click here to listen to "Run Come See Jerusalem".

He is well-known for his performance of "Love, Love Alone", a song about the abdication of Edward VIII. The Duke of Windsor, served as Governor of the Bahamas during World War II.

Click here to listen to "Love, Love Alone".

Though Higgs never enjoyed fame in his own right, his music influenced many popular performers, including Dave Van Ronk, James "Stump" Johnson, Pete Seeger, and Lord Mouse and the Kalypso Katz. Most famously, the Beach Boys recorded Higgs’ 1952 “John B. Sail”, renamed as the “Sloop John B.” Johnny Cash’s “Delia” was a rewrite of “Delia Gone.”

Holy Ground/This Pretty Planet

“Where this Child shall go is holy ground.”

That is a line from Lesson 182 in A Course In Miracles. The lesson is “I will be still an instant and go home.” You can find it here if you want to read the entire lesson.

A few days ago I gave a friend a sound healing session. At one point I was sitting at her head doing some craniosacral work while the music was playing. I had my eyes closed and was in a fairly deep meditative state. At some point I opened my eyes and looked around the room, which is filled with sacred art, objects and instruments, and thought to myself, “This whole room is an altar.” I felt deep appreciation in the moment. The thought, or perhaps realization is a better word, that followed was “This whole earth is an altar.” It hit me as a truth, that everywhere we walk, every step we take, we are walking on holy ground. We only need to remember it. Whatever has been desecrated, in all the many ways that humanity is capable of, we have the capacity to consecrate it just as well- not necessarily even through a deed or an action- simply through our vision. We only need to remember it. We only need to see it. It is how we look at the earth that we walk upon that makes it sacred and holy.

I have read that lesson more times than I know and I never got it. It was something I hoped to experience but had never reached that place. This awareness has changed the way that I see the world around me- knowing that no matter where I am or what is gong on, that I am standing on holy ground. I am filled with awe and reverence and gratitude.

Be All That You Can Be!

Nothing more beautiful than those people who allow themselves to be the fullest manifestation of who they truly are. That is why great teachers and masters appear so beautiful to us- because they are fully expressing themselves in every moment. It can be the subtlest movement, the hint of a smile, the slightest gesture- and in that gesture we see their totality flowing forth. No holding back, no posturing, no hiding… fully alive, fully awake.

Change Your Brain (or, Breathe and Smile)

This is an excerpt from a newsletter I sent out earlier today. I felt that it was worth sharing here as well.

One of the things I am always so grateful for is that I can walk through my house any time of day and pick up a flute, play a gong, a singing bowl or whatever other instrument calls to me in the moment. I always feel like, when a particular instrument catches my eye, it is sending me a message to pick it up and play. (In fact, that's basically how I move through my sound journeys- the instruments tell me which ones to play. They either catch my eye or I hear the sound before I actually begin to play it.)

It only takes a moment to change your state- sometimes just a single note or an extended tone is enough. Maybe you want to think about how you can enhance your sonic environment. Hang a bell on a door or a chime outside your window. You might already have instruments that you have never thought about as "healing"- but, as my former partner Henry said years ago, "Making any sound with a loving intention will produce a healing effect." Perhaps you have an instrument that you have forgotten about or take for granted- it has become a fixture in the corner or on the wall. Pick up that guitar or the old saxophone collecting dust in the closet! And when you pick it up, play it nice and slow. Play a long tone. And listen... listen... listen... And then play another long slow tone... Listen... Breathe... Repeat...

Or HUM!!! Yes. HUM!!! Vibrate your cells from the inside out. Science has shown how the simple act of humming can help with stress levels, sleep and blood pressure as well increasing lymphatic circulation and melatonin production- just to name a few of the benefits- and if you have a voice, you can HUMMMM!

I was actually just reading yesterday that singing is one of the only activities that activates both hemispheres of the brain at the same time. It releases endorphins and oxytocin and can influence memory and brain function. In short- it's good for you!!! Music is brain food, and like all food, it is individual. Not everyone likes the same thing. Notice what sounds excite you, calm you, ground you, make you smile. Take five minutes out of your busy day to listen- just listen. If a sound is irritating you, see what happens when you breathe into it- or hum along with it. Play with it. Become curious about it. What happens if you let go of your resistance and breathe? As my dear friend LeRoy White used to sing, "Breathe and smile."