What Lies Beneath

[Note: I began this writing on Sept. 6. Finally got back to it. Today is October 18.]
This morning before I got up I listened to this meditation by Rupert Spira. In it he compares the fluctuations of the mind to the ripples and currents in the ocean and talks about how, as you go down deeper and deeper beneath the surface, the ocean becomes more and more still.

In 2006 I had a pretty serious head injury. A heavy speaker fell off a shelf and swung from the cable hitting me square in my right temporal lobe. The injury came with a gift. About a week after the injury I began having shirodhara treatments from an angel, Denise O’Dunn, whose Ayurvedic treatments put me on the path to recovery. (For more on Denise O’Dunn and her Ayurvedic treatments click here.) I received seven consecutive days of shirodhara, a beautiful modality which is one of the primary treatments for traumatic brain injury in the ancient Indian system of Ayurvedic medicine.

When we began I was in a great deal of pain and it literally hurt my brain to think. If I tried to speak I would stop after a few words because it was too painful. The thoughts were there but it was too strenuous to actually attempt to elucidate them, so I would just let them go. The result of this was that the first few weeks after the injury I experienced being totally in the moment, because that was a place within which I could rest. If I was having a cup of tea, I was simply having a cup of tea. I was fully present because it was simply to painful to be anywhere else. It was an incredible gift.

About 3 or 4 days into the treatment, as I was lying on Denise’s massage table having warm medicated oil poured onto my forehead, a thought came into my mind. In that moment, as I became aware of the thought, I had an image of water striders, the small insects that skim across the surface of water. I would often see them in our swimming pool as a kid and was fascinated by them. The awareness that accompanied the image was that the water strider was the thought, floating on the surface of a pool of water, and I could either follow the thought or I could dive down below the surface and remain in stillness. For weeks afterward I was able to simply choose presence, stillness. Initially it was a necessity. It became a choice. As time passed and the acute injury subsided the more my chattery mind returned, but the experience, knowing that place of quiet, is something that has never left and the memory of it still allows me to occasionally drop in there with relative ease.

What is Courage?

I was driving through Long Island today and had such an interesting experience. I was going to a very high-end spa that had a collection of my singing bowls there on consignment. They hadn’t sold any in a long time and hadn’t kept a good record of what they had sold, so I was going there to see what bowls they had left and get it all straightened out.

So, I was driving along and began feeling very strongly that this was a place I did not belong, that I was an outsider. I was quite overcome with the sensation and I also became aware of the familiarity of it, going all the way back to the terror of my first day of kindergarten and all the years in elementary school when I didn’t “fit in”. I thought about how much fear I had had growing up and all the things I didn’t do because I was too afraid- that I would be laughed at, that I would fail. Not applying for art school, A) because if I did a portfolio they would see that I couldn’t draw and B) because I was afraid to get on a plane to fly wherever I might have to go to visit. Blindly diving into relationships because I was afraid of being alone, relationships which were doomed from the start because they were only a reflection of my own codependence and fear.

Drinking and drugging actually helped me plow through some of those fears at times in my life- but of course they had unfortunate and disastrous effects in other ways as I then threw all caution to the wind. But my early life was pretty much ruled by my fears. Every decision I made, or didn’t make, was born out of fear for a very long time.

I’ve thought a lot about this lately because I did eventually come to find my power. I came to find my center. I found much of my inner strength and connection through sound healing practices that I have discovered along the way- particularly those that helped me to access my voice. I also have made choices in more recent years that caused me ultimately to be alone. It hit me recently that one of the gifts of that, unbeknownst to me at the time, was that I learned that I could move forward and be strong and creative and successful on my own- that I was actually quite capable of taking care of myself.

Today my experience of myself is that I am a strong and powerful person and I love who I see when I look in the mirror. When I am unsure on some level, I am able to ask for help and not hide my fear or doubts. It hit me today that courage is not something we are necessarily born with. I certainly wasn’t. I think I have always believed that courage was an innate quality in certain more fortunate people. But today I realized that real courage is being able to accept and acknowledge our fears and to keep moving forward in spite of them, not to be held hostage by them.

Tears That Are Unspoken Words

Two years ago my older brother Tim passed away due to Covid. He was 7 years older than me and when we were younger- much younger- he opened me up to a world of great music. We might be at our father’s house in Newport or I might have been up at Tim’s house in Vermont where he lived with a group of friends- a sort of “hippie house”- and I would suddenly hear his voice. “Hey Rosie, come here! You gotta hear this!” He actually never played a single piece of music for me that I didn’t like, in fact generally that I didn’t love. Dave Mason’s album “Alone Together” was one of them- every track on it being excellent. He loved it and I immediately fell in love with it. Since that day, more than 50 years ago, I have listened to it hundreds of times. It is one of my all-time favorite albums. I know every word and every note on that album. (I have gone through two copies of the vinyl- because the first one got so worn out and now have it on CD.)

A few years ago I decided I wanted to learn to play the song “Sad and Deep As You” on my guitar. It’s one of those songs that you can just sit and play and sing over and over and never tire of it. Just a sweet, sad, beautiful song. Four years ago I put everything in storage and left the country for a while. Due to the pandemic I ended up relocating and much of my stuff has stayed in storage. Yesterday I was unpacking a box from a load of stuff I had brought down from RI last week and there was a little pile of papers in the bottom of the box- songs that I had printed out a few years ago, and that song was among them.

I was feeling good, with warm memories, just singing and getting into the sweet groove of the song and suddenly the memory hit me… of Tim turning me on to that album, sitting on the bed with him just completely knocked out by the music- all of the songs, the words, the nuances and that wonderful shared experience… and I was weeping.

And there was the last verse:
Tears that are unspoken words
Tears that are the truth
Tears that tell a story
As sad and deep as you…

So, I sat and cried- wept- and then I started singing it again… and again… and again…

Grateful for memories.
Grateful for the ability to feel deeply.

Distance Is No Object

It’s late but I have a little story I want to share. I have been in Rhode Island for about a week. I wasn’t planning to do any sessions while I was up here because I already have a lot going on, but I had a friend who was in crisis so I agreed to give her a session. We had it scheduled for today but at the last minute, at the end of the day yesterday, it turned out that it wasn’t going to work out. I talked with her on the phone and gave her my best motivational inspirational pep talk, reminding her that she had done a lot of work and had plenty of tools and she just needed to get through one day- today, which meant for her a very stressful court date- and then she could come to the group sound healing session I have scheduled for tomorrow. Once there she could breathe, exhale and release all that she has had going on. I told her that in the meantime I would give her a long distant healing session. Even at the suggestion I could feel her appreciation and relief.

I decided to do it this morning when I woke up a little before 7. I texted her at precisely 6:57 and told her I was about to play one of my sound journeys and send her long distant healing. I attached the sound journey to the text via Dropbox and told her that whenever she had the chance, preferably this morning, she should simply relax and listen to the sound journey and take it in. I lay in bed for a full hour giving myself a treatment with the Radiance Technique, all the while connecting with her energy and very consciously sending healing to her as well. At 9:45 I received this message from her: “Thank you so much. I woke at 7am with lots of anxiety, and strangely fell back asleep until 8:30… then saw your message which now makes sense why I likely dozed off… and then listened to the recording. My body feels relaxed, both were well received and I thank you so very much. Amazing, truly amazing.” I replied that I am still always blown away by how well this stuff works! She said, “Oh my goodness, me too! My first experience like this and I’m a believer, thank you so much Rosie.”

Speaking of breathing, here is a sweet song by an old and dear friend, LeRoy White, who passed away a little over 3 years ago. He was beloved by many and lived his life to uplift others with his music and incredible generosity of spirit.

Remember When...

I’m sitting outside on my porch eating the most delicious grapefruit- it has the most subtle floral flavor to it. I don’t think I’ve ever had one like it. Whenever I eat grapefruit I think of my father. When I was young he lived in Nassau, most of the time on his boat, the Black Pearl- but he had plenty of friends and lovers down there so I’m sure there were other places he stayed when he was by himself. When we visited though, we were either on the boat or at the Lyford Cay Club- and once in Eleuthera at his friend Max Aiken’s house, which for me, was a very special time. But before I digress… one day Dad took me to some country club or golf course for breakfast- just him and me, which was rare and exciting. In fact I don’t have any other memories of doing anything else alone with him throughout my entire childhood. Maybe that’s part of what made it so memorable. Anyway, he ordered a grapefruit for me sprinkled with brown sugar and a maraschino cherry in the middle. I thought it was the best thing I ever tasted in that moment! It was such a wonderful treat and every time I eat grapefruits I think of him and that special few hours we spent together.

Now, how do I turn this into a musical post? Because there was music in Nassau! There was Blind Blake and on Saturday nights there was a buffet at the Lyford Cay Club and Blind Blake would play. I was only 7 years old but I loved his music. I was also painfully shy and whenever we went to see him I wanted to hear “Jamaica Farewell”- which of course I called “Down the way where the nights are gay”. It was my favorite song. I would ask Dad to ask him to play it. But instead he would tell me to go up and ask him myself- in front of all those people who were dining and dancing! I was terrified. But every time I requested a song- maybe that was the only one- he would have me come up and sit on his lap and have me tell him what I wanted to hear. He was so sweet and I was so totally embarassed but thrilled at the same time. I couldn’t find that version of his song but here is another by him. I like the video because it has a number of pictures of him. I also found this short but interesting article which I am reposting from the Grand Bahama Museum website:

Father of Bahamian Music
Mar. 31, 2022

Blake Alphonso Higgs (1915 – 1986), better known as "Blind Blake", is considered the Father of Bahamian Music. Born in Matthew Town, Inagua, Higgs was blind from boyhood. Over his lifetime he wrote sixty goombay tunes and recorded four albums. He spent most of his career performing at the Royal Victoria Hotel in Nassau. In his later years, the Government hired him to entertain tourists at the International Airport.

In keeping with goombay tradition the themes of Higgs’ songs do not have profound social messages but tell a story or recount a specific event. One of his most famous songs, "Little Nassau/Peas and Rice", was written during Prohibition. The medley details the easy access to alcohol in Nassau but complains of the Bahamian frustration with a diet of peas and rice.

Click here to listen to "Peas and Rice".

His ballad "Run Come See Jerusalem" describes the1929 Bahamas Hurricane.

Click here to listen to "Run Come See Jerusalem".

He is well-known for his performance of "Love, Love Alone", a song about the abdication of Edward VIII. The Duke of Windsor, served as Governor of the Bahamas during World War II.

Click here to listen to "Love, Love Alone".

Though Higgs never enjoyed fame in his own right, his music influenced many popular performers, including Dave Van Ronk, James "Stump" Johnson, Pete Seeger, and Lord Mouse and the Kalypso Katz. Most famously, the Beach Boys recorded Higgs’ 1952 “John B. Sail”, renamed as the “Sloop John B.” Johnny Cash’s “Delia” was a rewrite of “Delia Gone.”

Holy Ground/This Pretty Planet

“Where this Child shall go is holy ground.”

That is a line from Lesson 182 in A Course In Miracles. The lesson is “I will be still an instant and go home.” You can find it here if you want to read the entire lesson.

A few days ago I gave a friend a sound healing session. At one point I was sitting at her head doing some craniosacral work while the music was playing. I had my eyes closed and was in a fairly deep meditative state. At some point I opened my eyes and looked around the room, which is filled with sacred art, objects and instruments, and thought to myself, “This whole room is an altar.” I felt deep appreciation in the moment. The thought, or perhaps realization is a better word, that followed was “This whole earth is an altar.” It hit me as a truth, that everywhere we walk, every step we take, we are walking on holy ground. We only need to remember it. Whatever has been desecrated, in all the many ways that humanity is capable of, we have the capacity to consecrate it just as well- not necessarily even through a deed or an action- simply through our vision. We only need to remember it. We only need to see it. It is how we look at the earth that we walk upon that makes it sacred and holy.

I have read that lesson more times than I know and I never got it. It was something I hoped to experience but had never reached that place. This awareness has changed the way that I see the world around me- knowing that no matter where I am or what is gong on, that I am standing on holy ground. I am filled with awe and reverence and gratitude.

Be All That You Can Be!

Nothing more beautiful than those people who allow themselves to be the fullest manifestation of who they truly are. That is why great teachers and masters appear so beautiful to us- because they are fully expressing themselves in every moment. It can be the subtlest movement, the hint of a smile, the slightest gesture- and in that gesture we see their totality flowing forth. No holding back, no posturing, no hiding… fully alive, fully awake.

Change Your Brain (or, Breathe and Smile)

This is an excerpt from a newsletter I sent out earlier today. I felt that it was worth sharing here as well.

One of the things I am always so grateful for is that I can walk through my house any time of day and pick up a flute, play a gong, a singing bowl or whatever other instrument calls to me in the moment. I always feel like, when a particular instrument catches my eye, it is sending me a message to pick it up and play. (In fact, that's basically how I move through my sound journeys- the instruments tell me which ones to play. They either catch my eye or I hear the sound before I actually begin to play it.)

It only takes a moment to change your state- sometimes just a single note or an extended tone is enough. Maybe you want to think about how you can enhance your sonic environment. Hang a bell on a door or a chime outside your window. You might already have instruments that you have never thought about as "healing"- but, as my former partner Henry said years ago, "Making any sound with a loving intention will produce a healing effect." Perhaps you have an instrument that you have forgotten about or take for granted- it has become a fixture in the corner or on the wall. Pick up that guitar or the old saxophone collecting dust in the closet! And when you pick it up, play it nice and slow. Play a long tone. And listen... listen... listen... And then play another long slow tone... Listen... Breathe... Repeat...

Or HUM!!! Yes. HUM!!! Vibrate your cells from the inside out. Science has shown how the simple act of humming can help with stress levels, sleep and blood pressure as well increasing lymphatic circulation and melatonin production- just to name a few of the benefits- and if you have a voice, you can HUMMMM!

I was actually just reading yesterday that singing is one of the only activities that activates both hemispheres of the brain at the same time. It releases endorphins and oxytocin and can influence memory and brain function. In short- it's good for you!!! Music is brain food, and like all food, it is individual. Not everyone likes the same thing. Notice what sounds excite you, calm you, ground you, make you smile. Take five minutes out of your busy day to listen- just listen. If a sound is irritating you, see what happens when you breathe into it- or hum along with it. Play with it. Become curious about it. What happens if you let go of your resistance and breathe? As my dear friend LeRoy White used to sing, "Breathe and smile."

The Mysteries of Sound & Creation

The night before last I woke up at 3 a.m. I had gone to bed very early so I decided to stay up for a while and listen to some spiritual discourse. I played a short video- maybe Rupert Spira? I don’t even remember what it was because this video came up right after and stole my mind!

If you want to gain a deeper understanding of the mysteries of sacred sound, I suggest you listen to this over and over. I have read some of the writings on sacred sound by Hazrat Inayat Khan and been deeply moved by them, but this transmission, with the beautiful sacred music in the background, is even more captivating and has the power to open the mind to an expanded awareness. It does exactly what the Sufis are masters at, entraining and elevating the consciousness through sound and breath. There is no need to understand the message intellectually- the fullness of the experience is embodied in the music, the sound of the voice and the words of the Master.

The Kindness of Friends (You Gotta Have 'Em!)

At this moment I am sitting in my chiropractor’s office in Murphy, North Carolina, feeling grateful for kind friends. Last fall I came in here one day with my back talking to me in a not very happy tone. As my chiropractor was questioning as to what might be aggravating it, I told her that I had been spending lots of hours sitting at my computer. It takes me a really long time to get things done on it at home because we have an insanely slow signal. She then offered, out of the blue, to let me come in and work out of her back office where they have high speed internet. Kind people- I have always enjoyed and appreciated coming here but I really feel like now they have become my friends.

Hmmm…I had no idea where this was going to go when I started writing a few minutes ago… but ah, yes… friends! Kindness… understanding… empathy… a listening heart… a hand to hold… someone to share a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, a good book… and laughter… always laughter…

Here are a few of my favorite songs about friendship. I remember the first time I heard Bette Midler’s song, “Friends”. I was at my brother Tim’s house in Vermont, probably about 14, maybe 15 years old, and some young hippie girl- no idea who she was- came in the house, sat down at the piano and launched into that song. I didn’t know who had written it or where it came from but it was wonderful and exquisite and exuberant and brought tears to my eyes… tears of joy- I think mixed with some longing for that wonderful energy of close friends. It wasn’t for a few months after that before I heard the actual album “The Divine Miss M” and was blown away by it and so happy to be able to listen to that wonderful song again, and again and again!

And of course, I have so many wonderful memories of Carole King’s song “You’ve Got a Friend” which was practically an anthem for my good friends and me as teeenagers in boarding school. It never gets old.

Enjoy!!!

Sonic Tonic

Oh dear, 4 months have gone by… but/and I have been busier in the past 3 months than in the past 3 years! Very grateful that people want to come together and learn in person again.

Why “Sonic Tonic”? The phrase came out of a workshop I was teaching in Tallahassee in June. I was talking about tuning forks, specifically the Biosonics Body Tuners, C-256 and G-384. I was explaining how they are essentially a tonic for the central nervous system and there it was- a sonic tonic!

To read more about how I discovered the power of these tuning forks click here.

Update: I was just scrolling through my archives and found another update on how the tuning forks helped my mother. Click on this link to read it: Tuning Mom.

Swells in the Ocean of Emotion

It’s one of those days… a beautiful sunny Sunday, warm in my house, sun pouring through the window into my living room. It’s a day for lighting candles, smudging, burning incense, taking in the purifying scent of Agua de Florida and palo santo- a day for cleansing and purifying. I am feeling quiet and vulnerable- in a good way. I had a dream about my brother Tim last night, and two nights before that as well. Somewhat randomly yesterday I came across a series of emails that we had shared during the period of time when our mother passed almost ten years ago on various topics.

I am feeling him close by today, as well as the presence of other dear ones who also passed in recent years- my beloved Henry, my eldest sister Jenny who died just two days after him, dear friends Shin Ae and Amber who both were gone way too soon- two young, powerful, brave, extraordinary women- both of whom had a huge impact on my life. And of course my parents- my mother, and my father who passed 40 years ago this May.

I cam across this beautiful poem when I opened Facebook today- written by my friend Peter Blum in memory of some of his own tribe. It spoke to me through my tears- good tears, memories of sweetness and love- and I share it with you.

December Dream
Around me the dead have risen
Look! Their parachutes of hope
open
in just the right places
Umbrellas, balloons, feathers, clouds
multitudes of curious transport
pull them through the night
with just the right traces
Resurrected memories of nameless
timeless ancestral entities
Chills of premonition.
My heart beats faster
I cannot quite make out
the faces.
-Peter Blum-

Henry’s warm smile…

At Mum’s 90th birthday with my two siblings, Jenny and Tim- November 2, 2011.

Mum, showing off the hat she had just decorated!

Radiant Shin Ae…